Number One Cheerleader Camp (2010)

Directed by Mark Quod
Starring Charlene Tilton, Seth Cassell, Jay Gillespie
Unrated
USA

"My parents sent it. It's a pommel horse."
"Your parents want you to be gay?"

A low-rent version of the underrated Fired Up from mockbuster opportunists The Asylum, #1 Cheerleader Camp follows the misadventures of two horny hetero dudes - Andy the sex-crazed slob (Seth Cassell)  and Michael the Haim-esque sensitive one (Jay Gillespie) - who luck into a sweet gig working as the maintenance crew in a cheerleader camp for the summer. While they run amuck ogling the talent and trying to get laid, a couple rival cheer squads attempt to sabotage each other. Also on deck, for no discernible reason, Dallas/Sweater Girls star Charlene Tilton as a boozy, bitter version of herself. Weird, right? I can't imagine our girl Charlene was all that pleased with the final product, especially since there's a topless girl bouncing away on a trampoline, tits flapping in the breeze, when her name pops up on the opening credits.

Oh, by the way, that's one thing I'll give this film credit for. There's plenty of boobs on display, including a shower scene that culminates in a who's-got-the-biggest-boobs contest.

The fellas also sneak into a strip club at one point, too. So that's good.

Oh, and antics? Sure, there's antics. Just like in Fired Up, the dudes end up losing all their clothes, and they have to go back to camp naked!

And also, they have a contest to see who can orchestrate a three-way first. Hey man, nobody said grandma was gonna be involved!

It all ends they way you think it will. The sensitive kid ends up with the misunderstood girl who started out as a mascot, and ended up a cheerleader (Erica Duke). And then her squad of underdogs takes on the mean-girl squad.

And then everybody dies.

Haha, no. Everybody gets laid!

All in all, not bad. 80% of the film is just shots of girls' asses in tiny shorts. The rest is padded with tits, masturbation jokes, and a matronly Charlene Tilton guzzling hooch and giving people the finger. There's worse ways to waste an afternoon.




- Ken McIntyre