I Married a Witch (1942)

Directed by Rene Clair 

Starring Veronica Lake, Frederic March, Susan Hayward

Unrated

USA

“Oh well, it's late, I've got to be getting into my straitjacket. I'll call a broom.”  

If the title of this film reminds you of a certain 60's show, it should. Sol Sacks, creator of beloved supernatural sitcom Bewitched, cites I Married a Witch as one of the main inspirations for his creation. And, much like Bewitched, this film came with its share of backstage drama. John McCrea, star of Sullivan's Travels, was originally slated to play the male lead, but dropped out after deciding it wasn't worth the considerable effort to work alongside Veronica Lake again, his prickly co-star in Sullivan's. Even by Hollywood standards, Lake was a handful, a booze-guzzling paranoid schizophrenic who enjoyed tormenting her co-stars with vicious pranks. The ideal choice, then, to play a wicked witch. Her signature hair-style - flowing blonde locks covering one-eye, a signature style that came to be labeled "The Peekabo" - and petite frame hid the out-of-control she-demon that lurked within her, a grim fact that newly recruited leading man Fredric March had to learn the hard way. He reportedly endured verbal and physical abuse from the tiny terror throughout the production. No wonder he began to refer to the film as "I Married a Bitch". Released the day before Halloween in 1942, the film has subsequently become a minor cult hit, thanks to its peculiar concept and its even more peculiar leading lady.

Back in the old-timey Salem days, a pilgrim named Jonathon Wooley (March), who had a dalliance of some sort with a buxom-faired woman named Jennifer, later accuses her of being of witch.

Before she and her pop Daniel are burned at the stake, she curses Jon and his family and all their descendants. The curse? They will always marry the wrong person.  Seems pretty mild for a curse. Anyway, 270 years later, the tree their ashes were buried under gets struck by lightning and their souls are released as puffs of smoke.

They float over to Jonathon's house – now owned by his great-great-great-great grandson, Wallace Wooley (March again), who's currently hosting a pre-election party. He's running for governor, and he's a shoo-in to win. He's not happy though, because he's got a shrewish fiance, Estelle (Susan Hayward), and he's due to marry her the next day. The curse is still working! Good job, Jennifer.

Jennifer's dad thinks the curse isn't evil enough, and suggests that falling in love with a woman you can't have is much worse than marrying the wrong woman. Jen agrees, and suggests she find a sexy body and torture Wallace with it. Dad's into it. They grab a broom and zoom off into the night, looking for fresh bodies. But first they burn down the Pilgrim Hotel. They hate pilgrims.

Wallace and Estelle are driving home when they spot the fire. Wallace stops and hears a woman crying out inside the hotel. Feeling chivalrous, he runs in, finding a beautiful blonde (Veronica Lake), wearing nothing but a fur coat. She's excited to see Wallace, but seemingly unconcerned with the fire or the walls caving in. He manages to carry her out and hands her to the cops. He's a hero!

Turns out the blonde is, in fact, Jennifer-the-witch. She's taken to the hospital, but she immediately flies away on her broom, and when Wallace get home, he finds Jennifer in his bed (and in his pajamas).

He is, naturally, shocked, but they talk all night long and before he knows it, Wallace is smitten. As is the audience.

However, when morning breaks, so does Jennifer's spell. Wally comes to his senses when Estelle shows up, and he splits for his friend's house to get ready for the wedding.

Frustrated, Jennifer talks to her dad (he's in the fireplace) about what happened. They sing a terrible song together, and then he suggests he she conjure up a magic elixir, a love potion, and then make Wallace drink it. But how to get him back to the house? That's easy, Daniel burns down Wally's pal's place.

That part of the plan works out, and Wallace comes home. But while trying to convince him to drink the potion, Jen gets knocked in the head, and Wally ends up giving her the drink. And now she's in love with Wallace, instead of the other way around. What a mix-up!

Of course, he has no time for this nonsense, so Wally splits for the wedding. He's getting ready to walk down the aisle when a gust of witchy wind blows through the hall, upending everything. Rushing off to a back-room, Wallace finds Jen and her dad (now in the body of a fat drunk), who demands he marry Jen instead. When he refuses, Daniel shoots himself and yells for help. But then he falls out the window, and the cops drag him away.

And so, once again, Wallace tries to marry Estelle. And once again...well, this time Estelle finds Wally making out with Jennifer (long story), and that's pretty much the end of that.

Not only is Wallace not getting married, but now his political career is fucked, since Estelle's big-wig dad owns the newspaper. He decides to get the hell out of town, and brings Jennifer with him.

Jen and Wally find an inn to stay in, but there's only one room available, and they'll only rent to them if they're married. So, what the hell. The innkeeper's registered, and they're game, so he marries them. They seem pretty happy, but when the innkeeper's wife asks Jen if she's planning on having children, she freaks out. She's 300 years old, after all. Way too old to have kids. She hadn't thought of that.

So, she confesses. She tells Wally that she's a witch. Naturally, he thinks she's just joking, and then he beds his beautiful new bride.

The next morning, she's still yammering about it. Wally goes to jail to see Jen's dad. He's worried about all this witch talk. Maybe he married a nut. Daniel tells Wally that if he gets him out, he'll help out. Meanwhile, Jen's using her witchy powers to make everybody vote for Wally in the governor's election. Even parrots and babies want to vote for Wooley. He wins in a landslide, which convinces him. He married a fuckin' witch!

Wally's worried that if the word gets out, his career is over. Again. Meanwhile, dad shows up and takes away Jen's powers. Then he tells her at midnight, she's going back under the tree. Because it's bad-form to tell a mortal that you're a witch. Bummer.

Wally and Jennifer pile into a cab to try to escape her sorcerer dad, but he hijacks it and crashes it into the tree. The clock chimes midnight. It's time for her to return to the cursed soil under the tree.

Wally wanders off, clutching Jen's now empty husk of a body in his arms and sobbing. 

Dad thinks this is all pretty awesome. After all, the plan was to make the guy suffer.

But wait, maybe there's a loophole! Maybe love can conquer witchcraft!  

Lighter-than-air and economically paced - the film gets in and out in an 75 eventful minutes - I Married a Witch is a fun and frothy little romp made more captivating then it probably should be by Lake's impish capering, goofy vocal inflections, and vampy, proto-goth get-ups. Even without a cursory knowledge of her trials, travails, and dramatic fall-from-grace just a few years after this film wrapped, it's painfully obvious here that not only was Lake a born movie star, she was also completely bananas. It's an irresistible combination. I Married a Witch is by no means a classic comedy, but it's well-worth digging up and would make for great Halloween viewing. 

- Ken McIntyre

Big Bad Mama (1974)

Directed by Steve Carver

Starring Angie Dickinson, Robbie Lee, William Shatner 

Rated R

USA 

“Never trust a girl giving away her donuts for free.”

It's the old-timey days. Which ones? The 30’s. The Depression. Angie Dickinson is Wilma, mother of two teenage daughters, conniving Billie Jean (Susan Sennett) and infantile Polly (Robbie Lee). With so little money to go around and no daddy and/or husband around, what’s a mom supposed to do? She’s gotta feed her family, and there’s really only two options: sex or crime. Wilma chooses both. 

First, though, she’s got to deal with dopey Polly’s latest crisis. When the film opens, Polly is about to get hitched to local yokel Charlie. Mama is not happy, and the wedding quickly turns into a melee. Wilma interrupts the proceedings halfway through, and a church-wide fist-fight ensues. Polly's boob falls out and Wilma steals the church's collection plate. They all take off in their pal Barney's car. Where? “Anywhere but East Texas,” says Wilma.

They hit the road, getting out of town before the angry townspeople get 'em, but they're soon pursued by the feds (Dick Miller!). They elude the cops – Robbie lets her boobs dangle out the window -but not before the law gets one good shot in, killing Barney.

Now the girls are on their own! Can they manage without a man?

Sure. They decide to run Barney's moonshine business without him. It's not an easy gig, though. On her first delivery, Wilma goes to to the wrong house and wrestle a fat old lady.

Also, Polly gets way too friendly with the customers.

Turns out the guy she as cavorting with was the sheriff's son, so to get out of going to jail, Wilma tries to convince the sheriff that Polly's retarded. When that doesn't work, she has to pay him all their bootleggin' dough. Flat broke, they have to start from scratch.

Wilma gets a job a diner while the girls try out for a gig as low-rent strippers.

It goes pretty good until Wilma shows up to rob everybody.

Flush will ill-begotten cash, they hit the road once again, with the law hot on their trail. Unfortunately, their car breaks down soon after. Luckily, it breaks down right where an evangelical preacher is tending to his flock. Mama and the girl quietly slip into the congregation and jump onto their bus, headed for salvation or California, whichever comes first.

Actually, they don't wait around to find out. They rob the preacher, taking his car and his dough.

Then they hole up in a hotel for the night. The girls are so excited, they chase each other around the room. Polly's topless at this point, and also, Robbie Lee takes a real-life spill during their antics, but they keep it in the shot anyway.

The next day, they decide to rob a bank, but halfway through, Fred (Tom Skerrit ) shows up to rob it himself, and a bloodbath ensues!

In all the chaos, Wilma snatches the money and they take off, with machine gun wielding Fred right behind them. After his car gets smashed up, he ends up in Wilma's back seat. In more ways than one, if you know what I mean.

Mama's new boyfriend makes Billie Jean jealous, she she tries to gussy up to seduce him.

However, all this fornicating distracts them, and a filthy cat burglar busts in and almost gets away with all their dough Luckily Wilma shoots him and gets her money back.

And then they all dress up and go to the horse races, where she meets up with slick-willie type Baxter (William Shatner), who offers Wilma a tip on the horses. Sadly, he cannot afford to bet on them himself.

He knows how to pick them, though, and they end up making a bundle.

Said bundle increases dramatically when they rob the box office while picking up their winnings.

So then the gang heads home and Wilma has graphic R-rated sex with Baxter while Fred peeps at them through a hole in the door.

Feeling jilted, he has sex with Billie Jean, who finally gets naked. So then she's naked for the next ten minutes to make up for the first half of the movie.

And then she has a three-way with Fred and her sister. The 1930's were crazy, man!

The gang finally makes it to California, and everybody schemes about what their next big score is gonna be. While Wilma works out the details, Polly gives Billie Jean some shocking news: she's pregnant! Ah well, the show must go on. Wilma pretends to run a lunch wagon and they rob an oil refinery.

It goes pretty good except that Polly gets shot in the arm.

They fix her up and then hang out at the beach, where Wilma yells at Fred about the whole impregnating-her-daughter thing. As you do.

Wilma decides it's time the girls join high society, so they rob some rich folks for their fancy clothes and crash a high-falutin' party. Of course, they're not really there to hob-nob, they're actually there to rob everybody. Wilma suddenly pulls out a machine gun (where was she hiding it?) and they take everybody's jewelry and cash. Wilma even shoots up the cars and garden statues on the way out.

PS look close and you'll find frequent Corman collaborator Paul Bartel at the party!

And yet, that's still not enough for Wilma. She tells Fred she wants one more score: a million bucks. So they sneak onto a tennis court and kidnap Jane (Joan Prather) a snotty rich girl. She finds the whole thing pretty indignant, especially when Fred shows up later and paws at her.

Wilma sets up the ransom details. However, they're all over the newspapers at this point, and Baxter thinks this whole thing is getting out of hand.

While Wilma sets things up, Jane seduces Fred so she can escape. Unfortunately, Fred cannot help banging every chick he sees, so it works. As soon as she gets her shirt off, he drops his guard. She kicks him in the nuts and splits. Baxter, hoping to end all this craziness, lets her go and splits. Good thing Wilma shows up to fetch her.

Sadly, Baxter gets picked up by the feds. Hopefully, he won't rat Wilma and the girl out before their big score.

The big day comes. Wilma bangs Fred in the barn one last time (look close, you'll see some dark Dickinson bush!) and then makes the trade, gets the million bucks, and moves her family to Paris, where they live happily ever after.

No, that's not what happens. Baxter sells them out and bloody mayhem commences.  

It still seems odd that Angie Dickinson and William Shatner – who were both well-known and established actors at this point – would make Big Bad Mama at all, never mind appearing as naked as you possibly can in an R-rated 70’s flick. Even without their star power, Mama would have been a winner, but the sight of a fully-nude Shat slobbering over an equally unadorned  Angie should be on every B-movie fans must-see list. Throw in a spectacularly whiny appearance from Switchblade Sisters’ star and elusive exploitation icon Robbie Lee, plenty of red paint-splattering mayhem, gratuitous Tom Skerritt, the sight of the same five old timey cars crashing over and over, crisp photography, a lean, mean script that never stops moving, a refreshing lack of moral conviction, and the simple pleasures of soaking in Angie Dickinson’s mature beauty, and you’ve got the perfect drive-in flick.

Thanks to the 30’s era setting, the film hasn’t aged much in the past 40-something years, and Shatner’s current status us a camp icon makes his appearance here even more amusing now then it was in the 70’s. Plus, every woman in the movie gets naked. You can’t really ask for more than that, nor should you. All killer and no filler, Big Bad Mama is one of the primary  reasons why Roger Corman remains the King of the B’s.

- Ken McIntyre


PS: Hear the MAG crew discuss Big Bad Mama on Episode 119 of the Movies About Girls show!