Zombiechrist (2010)

Directed by Bill Zebub

Starring Ruby Larocca, Jessica Alexandra Green, Steve Nebesni, and Bill Zebub

Unrated

USA

"I've been wounded and the only way to heal is to extract the sacred meal from your bowels."

The first time I heard of or saw Bill Zebub was in the kinda-real, kinda-not documentary S&man (pronounced Sandman). More than anything, I recall getting pretty upset by how director J.T. Petty tried relentlessly to make Mr. Zebub look like a complete idiot. Sure, take a dude who's been drinking all day and then tell him to make a movie on the spot. Of course it turned out bad.

Anyway, what he was up to didn't really seem to be of my interests, but as I heard more and more of him, particularly regarding his film Ravage the Scream Queen being banned in Canada for obscenity and for his continuous output concerning eroticized rape, I started to get a little curious; at least to the point that I figured I should check out one of these low-brow travesties - for journalistic purposes, of course.

Well, along came Zombiechrist (or Zombie Christ, depending on where you look), and my interest was piqued sufficiently enough to give Mr. Zebub a try. The trailer alone let me know that this was going to be more than just an exercise in depraved and viscous sexual assault made for depraved and viscous sexual assault enthusiasts, so it had that much going for it at least.

I mean sure, Jesus does his fair share of anal fisting:

and turkey drumstick vagina spelunking:

...but its all done with an obvious light-hearted, if not somewhat blase approach overall.

The story itself pretty much goes like this: A butt-rock druid cult in Kashmir, India does a ritual to resurrect Jesus and use him to destroy the remaining bloodline of Himself and issue in the New Age of something-or-other. But most importantly, the ritual involves naked chicks dancing around all hippie-like for over 5 minutes.

After Zombiechrist is risen, he awkwardly hobbles around the world violating and killing his peeps (who for the most part just happen to be really hot, completely naked women) with his laser Messiah eyes.

The only potential victim to be privy of this whole Zombiechrist hoopla is the coincidentally named (and rightfully skeptical) Mary (Jessica Alexandra Green):

who fortunately has a super intense religious scholar dude (Steve Nebesni):

...to protect her from the post-maturely excavated Prince of Peace.

Touted as "the most blasphemous story ever told" (and if you're a normal human or a believer in the modern mythology, you're probably not gonna wanna watch this), Zombie Christ tries hard to offend, but more often than not, it's more likely you'll be shaking your head and smiling for the fact that this thing actually made it from idea to reality. But, if you like sexy naked ladies, irreverent scenes of offensive ridiculousness (all of which are handled in an extremely silly (and occasionally poorly CGI'ed manner) or vulgar displays of slow motion butt-rock kung-fu, this is a high recommend.

Visit MVD for purchasing information.

- Jeremy Vaca

Satanic Sluts: The Black Order Cometh (2008)

Directed by Nigel Wingrove

Starring Dominik Destruction, Dischordia, Poisoned Venus, Chelsea Chainsaw

Unrated

UK

"I like debauchery. I like excess. I like pushing your borders and going outside of your comfort zone to discover who you really are - what you're really like."

Conceived in 2004 by Redemption Films founder, Nigel Wingrove, The Satanic Sluts are an international (but mostly British) collective (purportedly intended to contain 666 members) of confrontational, alluring, and shamelessly taboo-humping women whose look is ostensibly reminiscent of the Suicide Girls and Burning Angel, but with a much darker and violent aesthetic.

Although more well known in their country of origin (particularly due to an incident involving Russell Brand), The Satanic Sluts will no doubt make quite a splash on American shores now that Fangoria Magazine is set to feature an SS girl pin-up poster in their pages monthly starting April of this year.

As far as content is concerned, the Satanic Sluts have a very Industrial Goth vibe with a heavy focus on fringe culture fetish. In deed, many of the scenes on The Black Order Cometh feature Nazi/fascist motifs, nun crucifixion, medical fetish, and even real cutting and needle play. Needless to say, the squeamish or easy offended need not apply here.

This, the initial release of what is currently a 3 film run (The Black Order Cometh, The Black Masses and Scandalized!), offers up a total of 12 short scenes and 5 interview segments. The interviews are an interesting touch to the proceedings, as it gives a depth to the SS girls that merely viewing their irreverent exploits just doesn't convey.

As obvious as this may seem, I find it important to point out that these girls are not the evil monsters that many would like to make them out to be based on their appearance or performances. In fact, beyond their blasphemous stage personas, the ladies are just as, or perhaps even moreso, "normal" than what I consider the majority of the population to be. But then again, this is me saying this, so take that statement with a grain of whatever you want to.

Although all the vignettes are satisfying in their own way, I believe that the scene that makes this film worth the price of admission alone has to be the live performance entitled "Gimp". Taking place in what looks to be a bar or club, "Gimp" begins with Dischordia leading Chelsea Chainsaw through the attending members by a chain, on all fours. Leading Chelsea to a cage, Dischordia binds her it and begins slapping her, taunting her, and eventually, jabbing hypodermic needles into her face.

If all this wasn't enough for your sensual bloodplay fantasies, Dischordia then reveals a scalpel - much to the chagrin of many an audience member in attendance, and by this point, for you as well. "Cutting" to the chase, Dischordia proceeds to run the scalpel up Chelsea's arms, making stomach churning lacerations on her arm that are then sutured together by more hypodermic needles. Wow, I just made myself nauseous.

If all that was perhaps a little too extreme for your sensibilities, the UK (Region 2) DVD is edited for your safety (the edited version is also available on the US release as a bonus feature).

The remaining features are significantly more tame, in so far as there isn't any unsimulated bloodletting, but we still get a fair share of blood. Take for example the aptly titled "Vampire Attack":

Or, if blasphemy is your bag, the also aptly titled (and aforementioned) sequence "Nun-Crucifixion" should suit your needs nicely.

Overall, The Satanic Sluts are definitely not for everyone, but if anything you've seen here piques your interest whatsoever, I say this is a must own. You can visit the Satanic Sluts websitehere, peruse The Salvation Group's entire catalog here, and read Nigel Wingrove's personal blog here.

Also be sure to check out the book, Blood & Dishonour from FAB Press, which includes detailed profiles of 38 of The Satanic Sluts, complete with hundreds of amazing photographs.

- Jeremy Vaca