California Dreaming (1979)

Directed by John D. Hancock
Starring Glynnis O'Connor, Seymour Cassel, Dorothy Tristan, Dennis Christopher, Tanya Roberts, Stacey Nelkin
Rated R
USA

This uneven 1979 entry directed by John D. Hancock (Let's Scare Jessica to Death, Bang the Drum Slowly) might be superficially mistaken for a proto-teen sex comedy, although in reality California Dreaming is better regarded a late entry in American International Pictures prolific cycle of drive-in diversions of the era.













After all, there's a Porky's-style hole-in-the-wall bit of peek-a-boo...

...unlocked bathroom doors prefiguring a Fast Times at Ridgemont High-like mishap...

...plus other fast food-related innuendo.

But in truth California Dreaming harkens back more than looks ahead, with most of the usual elements of the AIP low-budgeted formula for which producer Samuel Z. Arkoff became known, including a downbeat tone that consistently makes its coming-of-age surface narrative read more ill-fated than is usually the case with such fare.

Dennis Christopher stars as Tony Thompson or "T.T." (as he insists others call him), with his unannounced arrival at a California beach town carrying us through the opening credit sequence.

Nebbish and naive -- and a pretty obvious Revenge of the Nerds precursor -- the tie-wearing T.T. marvels for a few moments at the surfers...

...then strikes up a conversation with gearhead Earl (Ned Wynn).

"Howdy pard," he begins. "T.T.'s the name. Just few in from the Windy City. Chi-town."

Earl rightly eyes T.T. warily, who goes on to explain he's arrived to "check out the scene," including hearing some "hot licks" at any area music spot, a switchblade comb awkwardly punctuating his request. Earl directs T.T. to the nearby nightspot, Duke's Vista del Mar.

"Copasetic!" says T.T. by way of thanks, and we all roll our eyes.

From there T.T. meets Duke Slusarski, played by vet character actor Seymour Cassel. He explains to the bar owner how his trip to the west coast in a way posthumously fulfills a wish of sorts made by his deceased brother, a trumpet player whose records T.T. carries.

Taking pity on T.T., Duke plays his brother's records in the bar and even offers him a free room in the apartment where he lives with his stepdaughter, Corky, played by Glynnis O'Connor (Ode to Billy Joe, The Boy in the Plastic Bubble).

A main plot proceeds from there involving the hopelessly nerdy T.T. trying to fit into the surfer scene, with Corky less than pleased about her summer fun being disrupted by this new, uncool roommate.

Meawhile, a handful of subplots emerge involving the ensemble cast to help keep the viewer suitably distracted and more or less entertained.

One involves the surfers -- Rick (John Calvin), Mike (Jimmy Van Patten), and Tenner (Johnny Fain) -- and their competitive efforts both to get laid and win surfing competitions.

Another concerns Stephanie, played by the alluring Tanya Roberts in an early post-Zuma Beach, pre-Sheena role. While not hanging out with her friend Marsha, played by the equally charming Stacey Nelkin (Up the Academy, Get Crazy), Stephanie tries to come to terms with her rocky relationship with the often-douchey Rick who is more interested with getting drunk, scoring with other babes, and besting the gnarly waves than her.

A third plot involves the aforementioned Earl, his girl Corrine (played by National Lampoon alum Alice Playten), and the slimy, rich Jordy (Todd Susman) who pines after Corrine.

Earl's admiration of Jordy's Corvette inspires the latter to challenge him to a bet. If Earl can stay in his own car for the entire six weeks until Labor Day, the two will swap vehicles. Earl agrees to the bet with enthusiasm, but it's clear from the start it's all a ruse to allow Jordy to make time with Corrine.

Still another subplot involves Duke coming to terms with getting older while negotiating a broken relationship with his ex-wife Fay (Dorothy Tristan).

Finally, like T.T., Corky -- referred to by others early on as the "virgin princess" -- is also experiencing a kind of "coming of age" during her final summer before going off to school. And perhaps unsurprisingly the paths of the two ultimately converge before all is said and done.

As mentioned, while there are several light moments scattered throughout there's a fairly consistent summer-can't-last-forever gloom hanging over all of the hijinks, which depending on your point of view either gives the film and a couple of the characters more depth or just serves as an occasional buzz-kill to what are otherwise good times with few hassles.

Appearing here just prior to his Breaking Away breakout, Christopher is mostly over-the-top as goofy T.T. -- almost to the point of being cartoonish.

Somehow, though, T.T. is endearing enough to keep the viewer caring about his fate, perhaps made more so once the surfer dudes, Duke, and others seem to adopt them into their beachfront brotherhood, helping him fit in with surfing lessons and help with the ladies. Duke in particular believes the key to improving the kid's love life is to learn volleyball, a game that uniquely offers training in both "strength and sensitivity."

As T.T.'s story plays out the other subplots all are resolved as well, some in surprising ways with the possibility of happy endings never quite guaranteed. Interestingly, for many of the characters' stories the prospect of going to Hawaii weirdly exists as a kind of ultimate goal -- a paradise all chase (and perhaps an allusion to the film's title, borrowed from the Mamas and the Papas) -- although the film ultimately seems to assign a kind of futility to such dreaming, too.

Perhaps that's the biggest difference between these earlier drive-in titles (many of which like California Dreaming became late-night staples on early cable TV) and the teen sex comedies that became box office-winners of the next decade -- namely, the possibility of the negative outcomes for stories and/or characters.

In any case, California Dreaming provides a few laughs along with some mildly risque fun in the sun for fans of both categories of films.

- Triple S

Back to the Beach (1987)

Back to the Beach (1987)
Directed by Lydell Hobbs
Starring Annette Funicello, Frankie Avalon, Lori Loughlin
Rated PG
USA

"What the hell is a kahuna, anyway? And is it good to have a big one?"

Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon were the stars of the wildly popular Beach Party movies from the early to mid 1960's, and have come to represent the boundless optimism of those post-war boom years. Annette was the top-heavy virgin goddess and Frankie was her surfer-king dreamboy, and their G-rated fantasies were played out on the scorching sands of Malibu Beach to the beat of thumping rock n' roll. But every summer ends, and by the late 60's, Frankie and Annette went their separate ways. Annette's most high profile gig after the beach party movies was as a TV spokeswoman for Skippy peanut butter and Frankie, well who knows? And that's the premise of Back to the Beach. Released at a time when the baby-boomers who came of age in the early 60's were now settling in middle-age and feelign nostalgic for theit idyllic youth, the film presents us with an alternate universe what if: what if Frankie and Annette were actually their characters in the movies, and it was a couple decades later? Where would they be? What would they be doing? Would Frankie still be the king of the beach? And would Annette still fill out a one-piece so perfectly after gulping down all that peanut butter? Let's find out!

It's 24 years since their first beach party together, and Frankie AKA the Big Kahuna and Annette are married and they have an asshole teenager who explains the story so far. His name is Bobby (Damian Slade), and he's dressed more like the leather dude from the Village People, but I think he's supposed to be a punk rocker. Anyway, somewhere after the beach party movies, Frankie had a surfing accident, and he's afraid to go back into the water. Instead, he moved the family to Ohio and now he owns a car dealership. They live in one of those 1950's space-age houses and Annette gobbles peanut butter all day, you know, because of the TV commercials. As our story opens, Bobby is getting his lunch from mom, and he is not happy about what's in it. She's gone completely batty with the goddamn peanut butter. It's all they eat. There's jars stacked everywhere.

So, mom's gone insane, dad's stressed out from work, Junior is on the edge. Time for a vacation! So the family heads to Hawaii!

But first they have to stop off in LA to see their daughter, Sandy. Sandy? We'll find out about her in a minute, first roll the neon 80's credits and the neon 80's Eddie Money theme song! We're gonna catch a ride on a wave all over the world!



At LAX. Annette runs into OJ Simpson, who appears to be in a big hurry. You know, from those commercials. And also because he might've just murdered somebody.

So Sandy (Lori Laughlin) is living with some surfer creep named Michael and she hasn't told her folks yet because dad won't like it. So this surprise visit is really gonna open up a can of worms unless she thinks fast!

Frankie uses Bobby's head to bust the door down, but Mike gets out just in time.

Frankie figures it out though and he and Bobby head out to go find the guy and kill him. On the way, they run into a post-apocalyptic surfer gang, but even though Frankie knocks over their surfboards and goofs on their hair, they let him go. Some gang.

And then Frankie just gives up and they go shopping. Later on, they drop Sandy off at her job at Daddy-o's on their way back to the airport to catch their flight.

Annette insists that they go in because their old pal, Dick "King of Surf" Dale is playing, so what the hell, they go in. Frankie runs into Ed "Kookie" Burns, a reference lost to almost everybody at this point.

Annette gets hit on by some sleazy dude in a mesh shirt, which really pisses Frankie off. He demands they get the fuck out of there, but on their way out, he runs into his old flame Connie Stevens. She starts smooching up on him, and that really throws a monkey wrench into the works.

Turns out she has a Big Kahuna shrine in the bar. That's not too weird, is it?

Connie insists Frankie sings a song before he leaves. And so he does. Frankie and Dick Dale and Connie all rock out to a really terrible, really 80's rendition of California Sun. Dick Dale's hair is fucking crazy in this.



Because of all the carrying-on, they end up missing their flgiht to Hawaii. Annette's pissed and Frankie's pissed, and then he says he's going back to Ohio, and she tells him to fuckin' go, she's staying to hang out with Sandy and have some goodtimes. So Sandy kicks Michael out, and mom and Bobby move in. Sandy is not entirely sure this is the best idea, but what the fuck, she can do better. That guy is no big Kahuna.

Meanwhile, back at Daddy O's, Frankie is having a few drinks, and he notices that the bartender looks very familiar.

Back at Sandy's, they have a goddamn pajama party. More of a lingerie party, really. With dancing and mutant surf punks.

After a long night of drinking, Frankie wakes up in surf shack where, ironically enough, he meets Michael, who gives him the Keith Richards hangover cure (Coca Cola, instant coffee, and Alka Seltzer), and then politely informs him about his intentions for Frankie's daughter.

Frankie's first instinct is to kill him, but he's too hungover, so they try and work things out. Later on, in an unsuspected twist - spoiler alert! - we find out that Michael is Connie's son!

Also, meanwhile, Bobby joins the surfpunk gang. You might think, why would they let a poser like him join? Because he has his dad's American Express gold card! Surf punk partytime!

And then out of nowhere, Annette does a ska tune with Fishbone. It's better than Frankie's song, but the dancing is very complicated.



But listen, forget the dancing, we have three to four relationships to repair here. First off, Frankie finds out Michael paints surfboards, so he agrees to go into business with him. Problem solved there. But how do the fellas patch things up with the girls? Frankie has the solution: beach party. That always worked in 1964! Problem is, the harbormaster won't give out permits for night-time parties on the beach. But Frankie's got a plan. Incidentally, at this point, they're back at Daddy-O's and now Stevie Ray Vaughn is playing with Dick Dale, and his hair is even poofier than it was before.


Hey, that harbormaster looks familiar!

The fellas trick the harbormaster into thinking the party is in his honor, so now it's on! And it's working great! Michael and Sandy get back together, no sweat, But Annette goes looking for Frankie, and he's goofin' around with that housewrecker Connie. To make him jealous, Annette goes matte-screen surfing with Troy-the-asshole.  She looks pretty foxy in her hot pink surfer suit.

Anyways, Frankie fuckin' punches his lights out. Which makes Annette mad, but not really. Then she stomps over to Connie to give her the business, but Connie straightens her out. And also compliments her on her tits. They get mentioned alot in this movie.

So she takes her advice and then they make up and make out and everybody is happy. The end. I mean, it seems like the end, but then Pee Wee Herman shows up and performs Surfin' Bird! The 80's version, so he throws in some "radicals" and "gnarlys".  He's not very good at lip synching. And everybody gets on stage and dances with him! And then he gets on a flying surfboard, and ascends into heaven! What a party, the end.


But wait, can we really end the movie without Frankie getting over his fear and surfing again?

No, we can't, so he tells his goddamn story.

But then the mood is shattered by Bobby, who is now the king of the surf punks, because he bought them all dune buggies. He shows up to the ruin the shindig, but everybody just laughs at him, because he's an idiot. But as Frankie points out, we do have a territorial despute, so they'll have to surf for the beach. Michael versus the surf puhk dude. Except Frankie accidentally breaks Mike's foot, so now they're gonna lose the beach to the creeps unless..unless Frankie can get over his fear and surf again! Can he do it?

Of course not, he's a middle-aged car salesman. They get on the next flight back to Ohio. Fuck the beach.

Or do they? We will not reveal the shocking, but I will say this: the Beaver is involved.

In 1987, this was considered satire. We live in an age of sarcasm and snark and ill-will now, so you can't even tell that they were shooting for 'edgy' here, because at this point, it seems just as good-natured and fun-loving as the original beach party movies did. And that's good, because we need to be reminded once in a while that there is genuine joy out there to be had, and it may only be a conga line away.

Packed with fun cameos and goofy musical interludes and corny gags and good vibes, Back to the Beach is everything you'd hope a Frankie and Annette reunion would be. Except maybe for an Annette wardrobe malfunction. You don't get that. They didn't have those yet in the 80's. Anyway, goodtimes and not a hassle for miles.


- Ken McIntyre

PS: Listen to the MAG gang discuss Back to the Beach on Episode 169 of the Movies About Girls podcast!

Malibu Beach (1978)

Malibu Beach (1978)
Directed by Robert J Rosenthel 
Starring Kim Lankford, Susan Player, Steve Oliver
Rated R
USA

"Hey, you got big tits, for a lifeguard!"

Robert J Rosenthel was, briefly, an exploitation mini-mogul. Besides this breezy beach epic, this long-lost drive-in svengali wrote and/or directed  Zapped!, The Pom Pom Girls, The Van and, naturally, Zapped II. For a good few years, he was the go-to guy if you needed a popped bikini top gag. Imagine being that guy? That’s a good angle.
“I need seven half-naked cheerleaders and a case of beer stat!”
“Sure thing. Robert J!”

Who knows why it ended? Did Robert J just get tired of tits? Can you ever get tired of tits? It’s been 44 years, I’m still not tired of tits. And here’s the good news. This movie has a lot of tits. It also has a LOT of 1978.  The waves of late 70’s nostalgia hits hard and fast, right from the beginning.

There’s a bikini top stealing dog, there’s Dina, (Kim Lankford) the lanky, heavy-lidded new lifeguard (in a bikini) , there’s Paul (Michael Luther), a goofy dude with an Elvis visor, there’s weirdly named Glorianna (Tara Stroheimer) a bosomy good-time girl with frizzy hair in a sports car with a "Cure virginity" bumper sticker and a John Scnhneider iron on on the back of her sweatshirt, etc. The pop culture bullshit is pretty overwhelming.

It’s Malibu Beach, it’s the summer of 1978, and the kids are alright.

So anyway, Dugan (Steve Oliver) is the local over-aged musclehead asshole who’s always hitting on the young chicks. But today he finds somebody his own age to bug, Miss Plickett (Flora Plumb),  the stuffy teacher  for most of the kids at the beach. Malibu must be a small town.

For whatever reason, she decides to go for a ride on his motorcycle, and he takes her back to his place. There's photos of body builders and paintings of big eyed puppies on the wall. I think there’s a velvet-rendered jungle scene, too. If his weird garage/apartment wasn’t off-putting enough, he rants to her about some dead goddamn plant.  Then he puts his moves on her. It all feels kinda rapey, even with the schlocky soft rock jam on the soundtrack. She doesn't dig it, and bails. You get the feeling this kinda thing happens to Dugan a lot.

But fuck it, there's a party tonight. Claude (Roger Lawrence Pierce) wears safety goggles while he drives. Quirky motherfucker.

Dina and her bud Sally (Susan Player) get a flat tire. I know it sounds like I’m just randomly mentioning things that happen in the movie, but that’s the way this one rolls. It’s like the scenes are all marbles and Robert J just drops ‘em on the ground and lets them roll wherever they want. Parenthetically,  Sally has the most amazing bangs I've ever seen. They’re awesome!

The fellas - Paul and certified cocksman Bobby (James Daughton) - help fix the flat, and they all head out for booze and disco dancing. They do the Bump in high waisted pants. But then the fellas strike out. This might bum you or I out, but you and I are not at Malibu Beach in 1978.  The guys plit, head to the liquor store, do some drunk driving in Bobby's pimped-out Jeep, and head out to the beach for a late night booze, frisbee, and weed party. A couple cops show up. The "police" sticker on their car is not convincing. It's peeling right off the fuckin' door.

The old cop goes to the bar and sends the young one, Rodney (Parris Buckner) to bust the kids. But they know him, so they just pass him a joint, and everybody gets mellow.

Dina and Paul end up hanging together on the beach. Paul decides to make his move, and lays his lips on her. She rejects him, and to make matters worse, Dugan shows up and shoves him around.

Luckily Rodney breezes by and tells ‘em to be cool. So they stay cool. Rodney munches on Crackerjacks until the fat cop shows back up and they drive away, drunk and stoned.

With the heat off, the gang goes skinny -dipping. 70's kids were a lot leaner, man.

Then they fuckin’ chug wine to get warm. All in all, it was a sweet night.

Dina gets home. She's got Rolling Stones, Zep, and A Star is Born posters on her wall. She sits there and hugs Bobby's jacket. He let her wear it on the way home. Then she gets in bed with it. Dina, I hope you know that you are like the third chick he's made out with TODAY.

Back at the beach the next day, some snotty punk kid pretends to drown just to fuck with Dina, but then he actually starts to drown. She saves him anyway. Some dude says, "You shoulda let him drown". Harsh. And then Dugan roughs him up. How about you fuck off once in a while, ok Dugan?

I dunno, Dugan and Bobby get into some static, and they decide to drag race. Dugan takes Claude’s wheels and Bobby takes Rodney's police car. Rodney was busy smokin’ weed with busty Margie (Sherry Lee Marks) at the time.

Anyway, they total the fuckin’ cars. Luckily, they're both ok.  "That was the highlight of my life," says Bobby, as he drives always triumphantly in his own jeep, with Rodney's cop car lying in a crumpled heap. Fuck you, Bobby.

Meanwhile Claude hooks up with Gloriana, the Vette chick. Nice score, Claude. By the way, Claude's a rich kid and he's got plenty of cars, so he's not even mad about the drag race.

Night’s still young, so the gang bust into the fairgrounds and go for an illicit bumper car ride before heading to inspiration point for some heavy makin’ out. Good times. I wish my 1978 was like this. My 1978 was mostly sweating on a bench outside of our apartment because we didn’t have air conditioning.

Next day, Paul rats out a couple of gas thieves, and they slit his tires and threaten him with a switchblade. "Very 50's", laughs Sally.  Also, Paul sticks a hose in their rape van and floods it. They'll probably come back and fuckin’ kill him later. I kinda hope they do,  because all the guys in this movie are assholes.

And then, disco party at Claude's! Everybody is having good times. The outfits are diabolical. The dancing is ferocious. The only thing that could fuck up this night is Dugan. So guess who shows up? It's all fist fights and cops from there. Dina's had enough of all this he-man bullshit, and tells them both to buzz off. And that's the night disco died on Malibu Beach.

Later that night, Dina and Bobby make up and make out on the beach. He was swimming in his jean shorts. She was wearing white flares. Who could resist? Anyway, then there's a bunch of love stuff for the next ten fuckin’ minutes. Lame.

Clearly, we've been building up to a climactic face-off between Dugan and Bobby, and boy do we get one. A shark is involved. Well, a wooden plank with shark teeth nailed to it, at least.

So who wins? It's 1978, man. Everybody wins.

If we're going to technical about it, nothing really happens in Malibu Beach, but then again, if you were living it, it’d probably be the most memorable weekend of your life. In fact, I would suggest that if you are a young person, you study this movie and then go try to live your next 48 hours exactly like this. That would be ballsy. If you are not a young person, I would suggest you watch this and then lament the fact that you spent your 1978 on a fucking bench when you could’ve been partying with Sally and her bangs, or whoever your foxy neighborhood equivalent was. In fact, whatever your age or disposition, you should watch Malibu Beach. Why wouldn’t you? It moves along at a fast pace, the acting is solid, the chicks are rad, the boobs are plentiful, and you can tell that everybody involved is having good, hazy times. And isn’t that what life is all about?

- Ken 

PS: Stacey says:

Hot fun in the summer time! Good times and a few hassles... this is one fun flick! Too bad the boys weren't cuter.

Cool or not so cool 70's fashions, a guy wearing goggles 24/7, and someone get those girls some hair conditioner!  Obviously the boys don't care about that... but I suggest a classic 70's Alberto VO5 hot oil treatment (the girls get it, I'm sure.)

 Surely, this was the inspiration for Richard Linklater's tamer Dazed and Confused.  Rumspringa Whoo, for sure!