California Dreaming (1979)

Directed by John D. Hancock
Starring Glynnis O'Connor, Seymour Cassel, Dorothy Tristan, Dennis Christopher, Tanya Roberts, Stacey Nelkin
Rated R
USA

This uneven 1979 entry directed by John D. Hancock (Let's Scare Jessica to Death, Bang the Drum Slowly) might be superficially mistaken for a proto-teen sex comedy, although in reality California Dreaming is better regarded a late entry in American International Pictures prolific cycle of drive-in diversions of the era.













After all, there's a Porky's-style hole-in-the-wall bit of peek-a-boo...

...unlocked bathroom doors prefiguring a Fast Times at Ridgemont High-like mishap...

...plus other fast food-related innuendo.

But in truth California Dreaming harkens back more than looks ahead, with most of the usual elements of the AIP low-budgeted formula for which producer Samuel Z. Arkoff became known, including a downbeat tone that consistently makes its coming-of-age surface narrative read more ill-fated than is usually the case with such fare.

Dennis Christopher stars as Tony Thompson or "T.T." (as he insists others call him), with his unannounced arrival at a California beach town carrying us through the opening credit sequence.

Nebbish and naive -- and a pretty obvious Revenge of the Nerds precursor -- the tie-wearing T.T. marvels for a few moments at the surfers...

...then strikes up a conversation with gearhead Earl (Ned Wynn).

"Howdy pard," he begins. "T.T.'s the name. Just few in from the Windy City. Chi-town."

Earl rightly eyes T.T. warily, who goes on to explain he's arrived to "check out the scene," including hearing some "hot licks" at any area music spot, a switchblade comb awkwardly punctuating his request. Earl directs T.T. to the nearby nightspot, Duke's Vista del Mar.

"Copasetic!" says T.T. by way of thanks, and we all roll our eyes.

From there T.T. meets Duke Slusarski, played by vet character actor Seymour Cassel. He explains to the bar owner how his trip to the west coast in a way posthumously fulfills a wish of sorts made by his deceased brother, a trumpet player whose records T.T. carries.

Taking pity on T.T., Duke plays his brother's records in the bar and even offers him a free room in the apartment where he lives with his stepdaughter, Corky, played by Glynnis O'Connor (Ode to Billy Joe, The Boy in the Plastic Bubble).

A main plot proceeds from there involving the hopelessly nerdy T.T. trying to fit into the surfer scene, with Corky less than pleased about her summer fun being disrupted by this new, uncool roommate.

Meawhile, a handful of subplots emerge involving the ensemble cast to help keep the viewer suitably distracted and more or less entertained.

One involves the surfers -- Rick (John Calvin), Mike (Jimmy Van Patten), and Tenner (Johnny Fain) -- and their competitive efforts both to get laid and win surfing competitions.

Another concerns Stephanie, played by the alluring Tanya Roberts in an early post-Zuma Beach, pre-Sheena role. While not hanging out with her friend Marsha, played by the equally charming Stacey Nelkin (Up the Academy, Get Crazy), Stephanie tries to come to terms with her rocky relationship with the often-douchey Rick who is more interested with getting drunk, scoring with other babes, and besting the gnarly waves than her.

A third plot involves the aforementioned Earl, his girl Corrine (played by National Lampoon alum Alice Playten), and the slimy, rich Jordy (Todd Susman) who pines after Corrine.

Earl's admiration of Jordy's Corvette inspires the latter to challenge him to a bet. If Earl can stay in his own car for the entire six weeks until Labor Day, the two will swap vehicles. Earl agrees to the bet with enthusiasm, but it's clear from the start it's all a ruse to allow Jordy to make time with Corrine.

Still another subplot involves Duke coming to terms with getting older while negotiating a broken relationship with his ex-wife Fay (Dorothy Tristan).

Finally, like T.T., Corky -- referred to by others early on as the "virgin princess" -- is also experiencing a kind of "coming of age" during her final summer before going off to school. And perhaps unsurprisingly the paths of the two ultimately converge before all is said and done.

As mentioned, while there are several light moments scattered throughout there's a fairly consistent summer-can't-last-forever gloom hanging over all of the hijinks, which depending on your point of view either gives the film and a couple of the characters more depth or just serves as an occasional buzz-kill to what are otherwise good times with few hassles.

Appearing here just prior to his Breaking Away breakout, Christopher is mostly over-the-top as goofy T.T. -- almost to the point of being cartoonish.

Somehow, though, T.T. is endearing enough to keep the viewer caring about his fate, perhaps made more so once the surfer dudes, Duke, and others seem to adopt them into their beachfront brotherhood, helping him fit in with surfing lessons and help with the ladies. Duke in particular believes the key to improving the kid's love life is to learn volleyball, a game that uniquely offers training in both "strength and sensitivity."

As T.T.'s story plays out the other subplots all are resolved as well, some in surprising ways with the possibility of happy endings never quite guaranteed. Interestingly, for many of the characters' stories the prospect of going to Hawaii weirdly exists as a kind of ultimate goal -- a paradise all chase (and perhaps an allusion to the film's title, borrowed from the Mamas and the Papas) -- although the film ultimately seems to assign a kind of futility to such dreaming, too.

Perhaps that's the biggest difference between these earlier drive-in titles (many of which like California Dreaming became late-night staples on early cable TV) and the teen sex comedies that became box office-winners of the next decade -- namely, the possibility of the negative outcomes for stories and/or characters.

In any case, California Dreaming provides a few laughs along with some mildly risque fun in the sun for fans of both categories of films.

- Triple S

Back to the Beach (1987)

Back to the Beach (1987)
Directed by Lydell Hobbs
Starring Annette Funicello, Frankie Avalon, Lori Loughlin
Rated PG
USA

"What the hell is a kahuna, anyway? And is it good to have a big one?"

Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon were the stars of the wildly popular Beach Party movies from the early to mid 1960's, and have come to represent the boundless optimism of those post-war boom years. Annette was the top-heavy virgin goddess and Frankie was her surfer-king dreamboy, and their G-rated fantasies were played out on the scorching sands of Malibu Beach to the beat of thumping rock n' roll. But every summer ends, and by the late 60's, Frankie and Annette went their separate ways. Annette's most high profile gig after the beach party movies was as a TV spokeswoman for Skippy peanut butter and Frankie, well who knows? And that's the premise of Back to the Beach. Released at a time when the baby-boomers who came of age in the early 60's were now settling in middle-age and feelign nostalgic for theit idyllic youth, the film presents us with an alternate universe what if: what if Frankie and Annette were actually their characters in the movies, and it was a couple decades later? Where would they be? What would they be doing? Would Frankie still be the king of the beach? And would Annette still fill out a one-piece so perfectly after gulping down all that peanut butter? Let's find out!

It's 24 years since their first beach party together, and Frankie AKA the Big Kahuna and Annette are married and they have an asshole teenager who explains the story so far. His name is Bobby (Damian Slade), and he's dressed more like the leather dude from the Village People, but I think he's supposed to be a punk rocker. Anyway, somewhere after the beach party movies, Frankie had a surfing accident, and he's afraid to go back into the water. Instead, he moved the family to Ohio and now he owns a car dealership. They live in one of those 1950's space-age houses and Annette gobbles peanut butter all day, you know, because of the TV commercials. As our story opens, Bobby is getting his lunch from mom, and he is not happy about what's in it. She's gone completely batty with the goddamn peanut butter. It's all they eat. There's jars stacked everywhere.

So, mom's gone insane, dad's stressed out from work, Junior is on the edge. Time for a vacation! So the family heads to Hawaii!

But first they have to stop off in LA to see their daughter, Sandy. Sandy? We'll find out about her in a minute, first roll the neon 80's credits and the neon 80's Eddie Money theme song! We're gonna catch a ride on a wave all over the world!



At LAX. Annette runs into OJ Simpson, who appears to be in a big hurry. You know, from those commercials. And also because he might've just murdered somebody.

So Sandy (Lori Laughlin) is living with some surfer creep named Michael and she hasn't told her folks yet because dad won't like it. So this surprise visit is really gonna open up a can of worms unless she thinks fast!

Frankie uses Bobby's head to bust the door down, but Mike gets out just in time.

Frankie figures it out though and he and Bobby head out to go find the guy and kill him. On the way, they run into a post-apocalyptic surfer gang, but even though Frankie knocks over their surfboards and goofs on their hair, they let him go. Some gang.

And then Frankie just gives up and they go shopping. Later on, they drop Sandy off at her job at Daddy-o's on their way back to the airport to catch their flight.

Annette insists that they go in because their old pal, Dick "King of Surf" Dale is playing, so what the hell, they go in. Frankie runs into Ed "Kookie" Burns, a reference lost to almost everybody at this point.

Annette gets hit on by some sleazy dude in a mesh shirt, which really pisses Frankie off. He demands they get the fuck out of there, but on their way out, he runs into his old flame Connie Stevens. She starts smooching up on him, and that really throws a monkey wrench into the works.

Turns out she has a Big Kahuna shrine in the bar. That's not too weird, is it?

Connie insists Frankie sings a song before he leaves. And so he does. Frankie and Dick Dale and Connie all rock out to a really terrible, really 80's rendition of California Sun. Dick Dale's hair is fucking crazy in this.



Because of all the carrying-on, they end up missing their flgiht to Hawaii. Annette's pissed and Frankie's pissed, and then he says he's going back to Ohio, and she tells him to fuckin' go, she's staying to hang out with Sandy and have some goodtimes. So Sandy kicks Michael out, and mom and Bobby move in. Sandy is not entirely sure this is the best idea, but what the fuck, she can do better. That guy is no big Kahuna.

Meanwhile, back at Daddy O's, Frankie is having a few drinks, and he notices that the bartender looks very familiar.

Back at Sandy's, they have a goddamn pajama party. More of a lingerie party, really. With dancing and mutant surf punks.

After a long night of drinking, Frankie wakes up in surf shack where, ironically enough, he meets Michael, who gives him the Keith Richards hangover cure (Coca Cola, instant coffee, and Alka Seltzer), and then politely informs him about his intentions for Frankie's daughter.

Frankie's first instinct is to kill him, but he's too hungover, so they try and work things out. Later on, in an unsuspected twist - spoiler alert! - we find out that Michael is Connie's son!

Also, meanwhile, Bobby joins the surfpunk gang. You might think, why would they let a poser like him join? Because he has his dad's American Express gold card! Surf punk partytime!

And then out of nowhere, Annette does a ska tune with Fishbone. It's better than Frankie's song, but the dancing is very complicated.



But listen, forget the dancing, we have three to four relationships to repair here. First off, Frankie finds out Michael paints surfboards, so he agrees to go into business with him. Problem solved there. But how do the fellas patch things up with the girls? Frankie has the solution: beach party. That always worked in 1964! Problem is, the harbormaster won't give out permits for night-time parties on the beach. But Frankie's got a plan. Incidentally, at this point, they're back at Daddy-O's and now Stevie Ray Vaughn is playing with Dick Dale, and his hair is even poofier than it was before.


Hey, that harbormaster looks familiar!

The fellas trick the harbormaster into thinking the party is in his honor, so now it's on! And it's working great! Michael and Sandy get back together, no sweat, But Annette goes looking for Frankie, and he's goofin' around with that housewrecker Connie. To make him jealous, Annette goes matte-screen surfing with Troy-the-asshole.  She looks pretty foxy in her hot pink surfer suit.

Anyways, Frankie fuckin' punches his lights out. Which makes Annette mad, but not really. Then she stomps over to Connie to give her the business, but Connie straightens her out. And also compliments her on her tits. They get mentioned alot in this movie.

So she takes her advice and then they make up and make out and everybody is happy. The end. I mean, it seems like the end, but then Pee Wee Herman shows up and performs Surfin' Bird! The 80's version, so he throws in some "radicals" and "gnarlys".  He's not very good at lip synching. And everybody gets on stage and dances with him! And then he gets on a flying surfboard, and ascends into heaven! What a party, the end.


But wait, can we really end the movie without Frankie getting over his fear and surfing again?

No, we can't, so he tells his goddamn story.

But then the mood is shattered by Bobby, who is now the king of the surf punks, because he bought them all dune buggies. He shows up to the ruin the shindig, but everybody just laughs at him, because he's an idiot. But as Frankie points out, we do have a territorial despute, so they'll have to surf for the beach. Michael versus the surf puhk dude. Except Frankie accidentally breaks Mike's foot, so now they're gonna lose the beach to the creeps unless..unless Frankie can get over his fear and surf again! Can he do it?

Of course not, he's a middle-aged car salesman. They get on the next flight back to Ohio. Fuck the beach.

Or do they? We will not reveal the shocking, but I will say this: the Beaver is involved.

In 1987, this was considered satire. We live in an age of sarcasm and snark and ill-will now, so you can't even tell that they were shooting for 'edgy' here, because at this point, it seems just as good-natured and fun-loving as the original beach party movies did. And that's good, because we need to be reminded once in a while that there is genuine joy out there to be had, and it may only be a conga line away.

Packed with fun cameos and goofy musical interludes and corny gags and good vibes, Back to the Beach is everything you'd hope a Frankie and Annette reunion would be. Except maybe for an Annette wardrobe malfunction. You don't get that. They didn't have those yet in the 80's. Anyway, goodtimes and not a hassle for miles.


- Ken McIntyre

PS: Listen to the MAG gang discuss Back to the Beach on Episode 169 of the Movies About Girls podcast!

Carry On Camping (1969)

Carry On Camping (1969)
Directed by Gerald Thomas
Starring Sid James, Charles Hawtry, Barbara Windsor
Rated R
UK

"We're going on a lovely nature ramble!"  

Carry On Camping was part of a decades-long series of low-budget British comedies. Directed by Gerald Thomas and produced by Peter Rogers, the films generally lampooned traditional British society and/or stuffier elements of cinema, and were liberally laced with double entendres and gratuitous T&A. The series began in 1958 with military spoof Carry on Sargeant and ended in 1978 with the softcore send-up Carry On Emmanuelle. A stock cast of British comic actors appeared in every film, and included – as this one does – Sid James, Peter Butterworth, Joan Sims, and Barbara Windsor, among others. There were 31 Carry On films in the original series, as well a mid 70’s TV series. In 2003, a boxset of the entire collection was quietly released in the US by Anchor Bay. Still, the Carry On films remain largely unseen and/or unheralded by American audiences. On one hand, it’s easy to see why. These movies, after all, are super British. I mean, Spice World, Eastenders, Upstairs-Downstairs British. They are so British they often seem like an SNL spoof of a British sex comedy, and a good portion of any Carry On film is devoted to sly references to various segments of Brit society that will sail right over American heads. So there’s that. On the other hand, their gleefully destructive sense of humor and dollops of tasty crumpet make for pleasantly dim-witted entertainment, a sort of super-sized Benny Hill with a cast of aging pratfallers tumbling through one disastrous set-up after another. Carry on Camping, produced midway through the series’ run, is widely considered one of the best and most accessible Carry On films.

Two couples are at the cinema, checking out a nudist camp movie. There’s crusty old Sid (Sid James) and uptight Joan (Joan Sims), dimwitted oaf Bernie (Bernard Bresslaw) and squeamish Anthea (Dils Laye). Naturally, the fellas love it. The women, on the other hand, are outraged and sickened by the whole thing, and demand they all leave.

Meanwhile, across town, another couple discuss their impending camping trip. Peter Potter (Terry Scott) is the classic henpecked husband. Harriet (Betty Marsden) is  his braying, self-obsessed shrew of a wife. Harriet never listens to him, so to amuse himself, he says whatever comes into his head. “
“How was work?”
“ I took a bunch of opium and spent my paycheck on prostitutes.”
“Oh, that’s nice dear.”
That kind of thing.

It’s Sid and Bernie’s job to plan this year’s camping trip with the girls. Sid comes up with a plan to go the nudist camp without telling the girls where they’re going. Seems like a can’t-miss maneuver. He and Bermie head over the sporting goods store to grab a brochure for “Paradise Resort”. That was the name of the place in the nudie flick. Also at the sporting goods store is one Charlie Muggens (Charles Hawtry), a Don Knotts type who molests a shopgirl (Hammer girl Valerie Leon) in a tent.

He wants to go camping, too. I get the feeling everybody’s going to run into each other later on.

Then we go to an all-girls school where two of the girls whale on each other in an awesome cat-fight! It turns out the girls are all camping too. Everyone's going camping!

The big day arrives. Sid and Bernie head out to pick up the girls. Joan lives with her judgmental mom, who does not approve of Sid at all. I’m not surprised, seeing as there’s at least a 20 year gap in age between Sid and Joan. Anyway, Bernie almost gives up the game, but so far, the girls have no idea what the fellas have planned.

The ride up to the county  mostly yelling and puking and hurt feelings.

So the fellas finally make it to Paradise Camp and get extorted by the owner, Mr. Fiddler (Peter Butterworth). Of course now the girls are hip to what's happening – or at least what they think is happening - and demand to go home, but the men won't hear of it, so they press on. But once they get to the campgrounds, they find out they've made a terrible mistake – it's just a regular camp. No nudity allowed, even. Plus, it starts to pour as soon as they get there!

Meanwhile, Peter and Harriet finally find a decent place to camp after Peter  has a run in with a bull and then gets an ass full of buckshot courtesy an angry farmer. Peter settles in for a well-deserved rest after his trying day, but then Mr Muggins wanders by, and Harriet lets him stay in the tent with them. Old-timey ass-on-fire physical comedy hilarity ensues as they all try to fit into the tiny tent.

Also meanwhile, the school girls are staying at a hotel for the night and getting into all kinds of pranks and antics! Mostly they try to get their matronly headmistress, Miss Haggard (Hattie Jacques) to hook up their obviously gay headmaster Mr. Soaper (Kenneth Williams).

The most mischievous girl in class, Babs (Barbara Windsor), switches some door numbers so that Soaper ends up in bed with Miss Haggard. He’s appalled, but she’s in love.

Back at Paradise camp, Sid and Bernie learn an important lesson: don't put your inflatable raft in your tent. It won't end well. Also, don’t put your aching feet in your girlfriend’s pot of boiling stew.  Just when they've had enough of this awful trip, the busload of schoolgirls show up. So what the hell, might as well stay awhile! Muggins shows up, too. He was hitchhiking and got picked up by  the bus. The Potters soon arrive, as well. Now the whole gang is at Paradise Camp!

And then Soaper leads the girls for some sexy exercises. Babs tops flies right off! Goodtimes.

Afterwards, he plans on taking them on a “Nature ramble”. First, though, shower scene! It plays out sorta like the Porky's scene, only without the boobs and penises. Soaper gets a suggestive load of toothpaste in the eye, though.

Meanwhile, Peter Potter wanders off to get drunk by himself. Another schoolgirl, Jane (Elizabeth Knight) shows up – she pretended she was sick to get out of visiting a boring old  monastery – and gives Peter an offer he can't refuse

Boning the young chippy gives him the shot of self-confidence he needs to toss out Mr. Muggins and then give his wife a little of the ol' slap and tickle.

Sid and Bernie sneak off to the monastery disguised as monks so they can make plans with Babs and Fanny (Sandra Caron).  He looks just like the Cryptkeeper from Tales of the Crypt, it's awesome. Then they sneak back to prepare for the evening's activities.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a crowd of hippies show up for a dance party and a performance by the Flowerbuds! Everybody's having a groovy time, but the campers are annoyed and want the racket to stop, so the fellas devise a sinister plan, and they end up blowing up the band’s equipment. By the way, the Buds are supposed to be playing rock music, but the music on the soundtrack is lounge-pop with an orchestra.

So that's it. The trip's over. Nobody gets laid. Or do they?

Haha, no everybody gets laid!

Despite being a low-budget, low-brow sex comedy, Carry on Camping was the biggest grossing film in England in 1969 and even played in theaters in the US. As mentioned, it is often considered to the best of the Carry On films. Although this really makes me dread running into the worst of the series, I still found CoC to be an entertaining little romp. As you by now expect from any Britcom, everybody’s miserable, uncomfortable and unsatisfied, and all the washed-out, gray and mud-soaked shots of the campgrounds make camping seem even less appealing then it usually does. None of the characters shamelessly lusting after one another are age-appropriate, the ‘psychedelic’ band is the least psychedelic thing I’ve ever seen, and Barbara Windsor’s kooky pile of hair and ill-fitting short-shorts were more odd-looking than alluring. Throw in a barrage of double entrendes so relentless in their execution that even the cast of Three’s Company would balk at the script, and you’ve got a grubby little winner on your hands. Based on Camping, I’d definitely be into delving deeper into the Carry On series. As the British often say – at least in the head of Americans who’ve never been to the UK – Carry on Camping is a jolly good show. Pip pip, and all that.


- Ken McIntyre