Summer School Teachers (1974)

Summer School Teachers (1974)
Directed by Barbara Peeters
Starring Candice Rialson, Pat Anderson, Rhonda Leigh Hopkins
Rated R
USA 

'The Student Body Always Scores With The Summer School Teachers!"

Barbara Peeters was one of the very few female exploitation directors of the 70’s. Naturally, she worked for Roger Corman. Her biggest triumph was obviously Humanoids from the Deep, but she made a couple other kooky/cool grinders too: femme-fronted biker flick Bury Me an Angel, starring glamazonian she-warrior Dixie Peabody, and Starhops, a pleasantly insane movie about a diner. She also made this, a pseudo-feminist T&A flick that shares a lot of the themes and plotlines of Corman’s nurse flicks. Unfortunately, it also shares their draggy pace and dreary dialogue, too. But there is one very big bonus: it stars long-lost B-beauty Candice Rialson (RIP), the big-eyed scene stealer from Hollywood Boulevard, Pets, and Chatterbox. Candice’s filmography is painfully slim, so you gotta take your Candy where you can get it. Anyway, here’s what happens.

Holy fuck, I hate fiddles. Let’s ignore the goddamn fiddles on the soundtrack and just enjoy watching gorgeous Tina (Rialson) tear ass down the road in a beat-up pick-up with her hairy hillbilly brothers.

They race to the greyhound station and she hops on a bus for California with her two sexy buds Sally (Pat Anderson, Angel of H.E.A.T., Bonnie’s Kids) and Denise (Rhonda Leigh Hopkins, Cover Girl Models). They’re in Iowa, by the way. It definitely doesn’t look like Iowa. It looks like 20 miles down the road from LA, which is where I'm pretty sure it is.

They all get jobs as...you guessed it, summer school teachers at an LA high school. Dick Miller is Sam, the sexist football coach, as you might expect. Tina is the summer gym teacher for the girls, and it’s her job to whip this bunch of wise ass, cutoffs-wearing hussies in shape. She somehow convinces them all to form an all-girl football team. Good work, Tina.

Denise isn't doing so well teaching her chemistry class. The kids are unruly and rude. Of course, it might be because she says stuff like, "I thought you bohemians were big on intellect." Denise, as you probably already guessed, is the uptight one.

Free-spirited Sally is doing a little better. She's the photography teacher. She gives the kids an assignment: "Photograph something you think is obscene." That should go well.

So, Denise meets with Jeremy (Will Carney), the rebel, after class, to find out why he's such a fuckin’ prick. He tries to make out with her, so she smashes him in the face.

Meanwhile Sally, in a bitching halter top, goes shopping and literally runs into a dude she thinks is a celebrity. Dunno which one. Sonny Bono?

He watches her squeeze melons and, ahem, goes bananas. They make a date.

Meanwhile, there's a school board meeting about the girls’ football team. Sam is against it. Tina is adamant that this is going down whether he likes it or not.  The principal or whoever he is says she can add girls’ football to the curriculum next year if the team wins their first game, which is in a few weeks. I believe we now have the thrust of our plot.

Then she goes home and does jumping jacks on the fire escape, which is a best case scenario if you live next door to Candice Rialson. Unless you try and join in and fall off your fuckin' patio like her fat, dopey neighbor did.

Denise goes down to 'Flukies', the happenin’ burger joint in the neighborhood,  dressed up like one of the Jezebels in Switchblade Sisters. This is her attempt to relate to the kids. While she's there, she sees Jeremy get stabbed in a gang fight! She wraps up his bloody arm and drives him to the hospital in his crazy green dune buggy.

Meanwhile Sally is having her date with the mustache dude, who is apparently a famous rock star. He has a harp festooned with lights that he uses to cut vegetables with. He also has two kooky old ladies who live next door and listen to his conversations. Naturally, they confuse his dinner talk with sex talk. You know, "If you like my meat, you'll love my sauce." Stuff like that.

At one point, he accidentally spills his spaghetti sauce all over Sally’s dress, and she storms out of there. The old ladies poke their head out and faint because they think he banged her into a bloody mess.

Jeremy gets patched up and drives Denise home. They almost make out. She digs the bad boys, I guess. Underage ones. But he might be more of a bad boy then she thought, because the next day he gets suspended for stealing the brakes outta some kid’s car, which almost killed him.

Meanwhile, love is in the air for Tina. She goes out hiking with her new boyfriend and they stop for a picnic. They get loaded on champagne and get naked. Good times. And then she gets right back to business whipping her hotpants harlots into a functional sports team.

Denise thinks Jeremy is just a victim of circumstances, and bones him in his garage in a too-dark 'psychedelic' sex scene while a funky flute jam wails away on the soundtrack.

Sally, meanwhile, goes on a date with one of the other teachers, Bob (the awesomely named Grainger Hines). He takes her to a porn theater and then to a strip club. Classy! But then he takes her to a motorcross race and a drum circle, and they race go karts together. And then they go to to the beach, and then he takes her home for a nude photo shoot. What a day!

Back to the plot, such as it us. The school can't afford uniforms for the girls because Sam, that fuckin’ creep, pays his quarterbacks cold cash every time they score a touchdown. Tina finds this out when one of her girls rats out her boyfriend. If only Sam kept some kind of ledger detailing his shifty practices, and if only Tina could get her hands on it! But that’ll never happen.

Then our heroines all sit around in the kitchen in their bikinis and plan a party. So that's good.

Tina formulates a plan to nail Sam. She goes on a "date" with him and gets him drunk. Naturally, it's all a ruse. The football team all get dressed up in Charlie's Angels outfits and break into his office and get the goods on him. Nice work, team!'

So Tina and her buds have the party, which is really a photography exhibit for Sally’s class, you know, the obscenity thing. But for whatever reason, Sally uses it to show naked photos of Bob. He gets so pissed off that he prints his naked photos of Sally in a skin rag. The principal finds out, and suspends them both. He also doesn't believe Tinas story about Sammy, even though she has proof, so he suspends her, too. So they just sit on a bench together and ponder their fates.

Also, it turns out Jeremy really is being framed, and the principal is in on it - who knows what 'it' is - and he orders a hit on Jeremy. The guy that's supposed to kill him, Slick (one-time actor Brian Enright), looks like 70s James Taylor. Imagine getting murdered by James Taylor?! Jeremy certainly can't, because he busts outta there and they have a dune buggy race. Christ, there's way too much going on here. Suffice to say, the creeps get theirs and the all-girl football game goes on as planned with Coach Tina leading them. Also, because this is a mid 70's Roger Corman film, a bunch of nudists show up.

So what happens? Do they win the game? I dunno, but they do win the pre-game fistfight. You might be asleep by then anyway.

All the elements are in place for Summer School Teachers to be a trashy, fun drive-in crowd pleaser. After all, it’s got the effortlessly sunny and undeniably beautiful Candice Rialson, a gang of rowdy teenage chicks, a healthy dose of nudity, and summer antics. I mean, it’s almost impossible to mess a gig like this up. Yet, somehow, it never quite gets itself together. You’re never really engaged in the plot or the characters, and the whole thing just sorta unspools without consequence. It’s no surprise why this one hasn’t become a cult item like other Corman films of the era – Caged Heat, Big Bad Mama, Death Race 2000, etc – it’s just not very groovy. I gotta give it a ding by default, since all the pieces of the puzzle are there, but it’s honestly about as much fun as actual summer school.

- Ken 

Stacey says:
Hmmm... Summer School Teachers should have been a good time, no question. However, it's a mish-mash of interwoven plots that never seem to get together. It's slow and kind of boring. I found myself not paying much attention at times. Like Ken said, all the elements were there... it could have been fun. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great either. Ding?

Big Doll House(1971)

Directed by Jack Hill
Starring Pam Grier, Judy Brown, Sid Haig, Brooke Mills, Pat Woodell
Rated R
USA

"You don't look like a hardened criminal to me"

 The funniest part of this whole movie came right at the beginning for me. Not that that this is a funny movie in any way, or that it's low budget automatically creates funny scenes, or even that it's directed by Jack Hill. No, the funniest part for me was seeing the Metro Goldwyn Mayer intro. I mean somehow Roger Corman secured major distribution though this major studio! How is that even possible? You've got to give it to the man, selling a movie about women in prison to MGM. So yeah, that cracked me up a bit, especially after watching the last MAG movie which was also a Roger Corman production. And like Ken said about the man, he's been using this formula for fifty years now, and it still works.

Big Doll House and indeed Attack of the 50ft Cheerleader are perfect examples of that Roger Coman Formula. Forty two years apart, different directors and producers, and yet it's so obvious that they're related. Both offer nothing more than what you think you're going to get. And both deliver. Whalla! Perfecto. What a formula!

The plot of Big Doll House is pretty simple. A bunch of American babes are in some sort of Banana Republic prison for no detectable reason. They get tortured every once in a while by the sadistic guards and fight amongst themselves for power. And unlike the misleading tag line in the otherwise wonderful poster art, these women are less than pleased by men. They're only real desire is to get the fuck out of there. Still, they make due by having cockroach races, engaging in various dominant and submissive lesbian trysts and dancing around on heroin.

 The only males in the film are a pair of horny fruit and vegetable delivery men(Jerry Franks and Sid Haig) and a hapless prison doctor who's flat performance throughout the movie provide a lot of chuckles.

Pam Grier made her debut in Big Doll House and it's easy to see she's the real star of the film. She lights up every scene she's in and her future as a box office draw is pretty clear. Jack Hill is often credited for discovering her but in his own words she just showed up for a casting call and the rest was history. Her performance alone makes this film worth watching and her brief scenes with Jack Hill staple, Sid Haig are golden.

Grear(Grier) lets Harry(Haig) feel her up and molest her now and then in exchange for cigarettes and heroin for her junkie slave. Fair enough. But life in this women's prison, as sexy as it is, isn't always a bowl of cherries. The main guard is a total pervo and uses some strange combination of military styled BDSM to torture the ladies. Everything from electricity to poisonous snake torture shows up in her sessions, all as a masked figure watches from the distance.

At this point the girls have had it and they get to work planning their escape. Personally I would have liked a little more implied lesbian bonding at this point. They've been cat fighting for the whole film so far and now they're friends and it would have been hot, but whatever.

From this point on it's guns and murder as the girls fight their way out. They trick the boys into helping them, there's another snake scene(only in the Philippines, man)and even a cat who delivers a key securing their escape. Unfortunately all this goodness leads us to the films one major flaw; the unnecessary rape scene.

Eww. Sure she's the bad guy and she had some sort of comeuppance due, but...gross. This scene would have played out way better with some light to maybe heavy lesbian torture by one of the former prisoners. It would have made more sense and ended up a lot hotter. All the men fail at this point in the film. Harry, once at least an understandable character, becomes intolerable. Fred, the other fruit guy does nothing and the hapless doctor becomes pathetic as he looks away. Oh well.

But even before you can process any of this, all hell breaks lose as a bunch of prison guards show up and start shooting. Craziness ensues and in true Jack Hill form, nothing good happens in the end.

Big Doll House is often cited as the first of the women in prison films, and that claim is often disputed by weird Internet people citing earlier examples. I can see their point is some cases, but give me a break. Are these weak-ass examples distributed through Metro Goldwyn Mayer? No. They are not. So yes, it's safe to say that we owe Roger Corman a big pat on the back for introducing the concept to the world, and therefore creating the genre.

So for that, and for introducing us to Pam Grier, and even despite the unfortunate rape scene, I have to give Big Doll House a huge Rumspringa Woo.

-Drew

Big Bad Mama (1974)

Directed by Steve Carver

Starring Angie Dickinson, Robbie Lee, William Shatner 

Rated R

USA 

“Never trust a girl giving away her donuts for free.”

It's the old-timey days. Which ones? The 30’s. The Depression. Angie Dickinson is Wilma, mother of two teenage daughters, conniving Billie Jean (Susan Sennett) and infantile Polly (Robbie Lee). With so little money to go around and no daddy and/or husband around, what’s a mom supposed to do? She’s gotta feed her family, and there’s really only two options: sex or crime. Wilma chooses both. 

First, though, she’s got to deal with dopey Polly’s latest crisis. When the film opens, Polly is about to get hitched to local yokel Charlie. Mama is not happy, and the wedding quickly turns into a melee. Wilma interrupts the proceedings halfway through, and a church-wide fist-fight ensues. Polly's boob falls out and Wilma steals the church's collection plate. They all take off in their pal Barney's car. Where? “Anywhere but East Texas,” says Wilma.

They hit the road, getting out of town before the angry townspeople get 'em, but they're soon pursued by the feds (Dick Miller!). They elude the cops – Robbie lets her boobs dangle out the window -but not before the law gets one good shot in, killing Barney.

Now the girls are on their own! Can they manage without a man?

Sure. They decide to run Barney's moonshine business without him. It's not an easy gig, though. On her first delivery, Wilma goes to to the wrong house and wrestle a fat old lady.

Also, Polly gets way too friendly with the customers.

Turns out the guy she as cavorting with was the sheriff's son, so to get out of going to jail, Wilma tries to convince the sheriff that Polly's retarded. When that doesn't work, she has to pay him all their bootleggin' dough. Flat broke, they have to start from scratch.

Wilma gets a job a diner while the girls try out for a gig as low-rent strippers.

It goes pretty good until Wilma shows up to rob everybody.

Flush will ill-begotten cash, they hit the road once again, with the law hot on their trail. Unfortunately, their car breaks down soon after. Luckily, it breaks down right where an evangelical preacher is tending to his flock. Mama and the girl quietly slip into the congregation and jump onto their bus, headed for salvation or California, whichever comes first.

Actually, they don't wait around to find out. They rob the preacher, taking his car and his dough.

Then they hole up in a hotel for the night. The girls are so excited, they chase each other around the room. Polly's topless at this point, and also, Robbie Lee takes a real-life spill during their antics, but they keep it in the shot anyway.

The next day, they decide to rob a bank, but halfway through, Fred (Tom Skerrit ) shows up to rob it himself, and a bloodbath ensues!

In all the chaos, Wilma snatches the money and they take off, with machine gun wielding Fred right behind them. After his car gets smashed up, he ends up in Wilma's back seat. In more ways than one, if you know what I mean.

Mama's new boyfriend makes Billie Jean jealous, she she tries to gussy up to seduce him.

However, all this fornicating distracts them, and a filthy cat burglar busts in and almost gets away with all their dough Luckily Wilma shoots him and gets her money back.

And then they all dress up and go to the horse races, where she meets up with slick-willie type Baxter (William Shatner), who offers Wilma a tip on the horses. Sadly, he cannot afford to bet on them himself.

He knows how to pick them, though, and they end up making a bundle.

Said bundle increases dramatically when they rob the box office while picking up their winnings.

So then the gang heads home and Wilma has graphic R-rated sex with Baxter while Fred peeps at them through a hole in the door.

Feeling jilted, he has sex with Billie Jean, who finally gets naked. So then she's naked for the next ten minutes to make up for the first half of the movie.

And then she has a three-way with Fred and her sister. The 1930's were crazy, man!

The gang finally makes it to California, and everybody schemes about what their next big score is gonna be. While Wilma works out the details, Polly gives Billie Jean some shocking news: she's pregnant! Ah well, the show must go on. Wilma pretends to run a lunch wagon and they rob an oil refinery.

It goes pretty good except that Polly gets shot in the arm.

They fix her up and then hang out at the beach, where Wilma yells at Fred about the whole impregnating-her-daughter thing. As you do.

Wilma decides it's time the girls join high society, so they rob some rich folks for their fancy clothes and crash a high-falutin' party. Of course, they're not really there to hob-nob, they're actually there to rob everybody. Wilma suddenly pulls out a machine gun (where was she hiding it?) and they take everybody's jewelry and cash. Wilma even shoots up the cars and garden statues on the way out.

PS look close and you'll find frequent Corman collaborator Paul Bartel at the party!

And yet, that's still not enough for Wilma. She tells Fred she wants one more score: a million bucks. So they sneak onto a tennis court and kidnap Jane (Joan Prather) a snotty rich girl. She finds the whole thing pretty indignant, especially when Fred shows up later and paws at her.

Wilma sets up the ransom details. However, they're all over the newspapers at this point, and Baxter thinks this whole thing is getting out of hand.

While Wilma sets things up, Jane seduces Fred so she can escape. Unfortunately, Fred cannot help banging every chick he sees, so it works. As soon as she gets her shirt off, he drops his guard. She kicks him in the nuts and splits. Baxter, hoping to end all this craziness, lets her go and splits. Good thing Wilma shows up to fetch her.

Sadly, Baxter gets picked up by the feds. Hopefully, he won't rat Wilma and the girl out before their big score.

The big day comes. Wilma bangs Fred in the barn one last time (look close, you'll see some dark Dickinson bush!) and then makes the trade, gets the million bucks, and moves her family to Paris, where they live happily ever after.

No, that's not what happens. Baxter sells them out and bloody mayhem commences.  

It still seems odd that Angie Dickinson and William Shatner – who were both well-known and established actors at this point – would make Big Bad Mama at all, never mind appearing as naked as you possibly can in an R-rated 70’s flick. Even without their star power, Mama would have been a winner, but the sight of a fully-nude Shat slobbering over an equally unadorned  Angie should be on every B-movie fans must-see list. Throw in a spectacularly whiny appearance from Switchblade Sisters’ star and elusive exploitation icon Robbie Lee, plenty of red paint-splattering mayhem, gratuitous Tom Skerritt, the sight of the same five old timey cars crashing over and over, crisp photography, a lean, mean script that never stops moving, a refreshing lack of moral conviction, and the simple pleasures of soaking in Angie Dickinson’s mature beauty, and you’ve got the perfect drive-in flick.

Thanks to the 30’s era setting, the film hasn’t aged much in the past 40-something years, and Shatner’s current status us a camp icon makes his appearance here even more amusing now then it was in the 70’s. Plus, every woman in the movie gets naked. You can’t really ask for more than that, nor should you. All killer and no filler, Big Bad Mama is one of the primary  reasons why Roger Corman remains the King of the B’s.

- Ken McIntyre


PS: Hear the MAG crew discuss Big Bad Mama on Episode 119 of the Movies About Girls show!