Boobie Trap (2001)

Directed by Herb Henderson
Starring Melissa Wolf's tits and the ever versatile Louis Cypher as Stockinghead Joe
X Rated
USA

Anyone who'd call their film 'Boobie Trap' in 2002 is either crazy or a genius. Turns out Herb is a little of both. Any guy that has no qualms with stopping the action for ten minutes at a time so that the Botticelli-esque flesh sculpture that is stripper Michelle Wolf can take the time out to masturbate in the shower is fuckin' alright with me. Boobie Trap follows the strange tale of Grace (Stacey Sheets), whose sister, Twyla, a wayward hooker, has been viciously murdered. She's sure it's our girl Melissa, who's a rival hooker named Clara. Pimpless, Clara just brings men home to her luxurious mansion, but apparently, she's been cutting into the local street action as well. Grace hires Harold (Randy Byars), a down on his luck gumshoe, to find out who killed Twyla. Harold looks more like the guy that does payroll at the salt mines than he does a detective, and his weird mustache, which looks like one of those fake fuzzy caterpillars from the 70's that you pulled on an invisible string, is not easily forgotten. Perfect b-movie casting.

Harold dutifully hunts down Clara, but like most of us, he's more interested in getting his dick sucked by a hot stripper than justice, so he ends up in a seriously compromised position when the real killer shows up to turn this flesh feast into an HG Lewis flashback. In a surprisingly graphic scene, Clara gets her tits sliced off, insuring an end to her endless series of nude scenes.
What kind of madness is this? Believe me, the ride gets wilder as the night drags on.

I was completely waylaid by this crazy-ass movie. This is actually the uncut, X-rated version, which explains the blowjob and the graphic masturbation. But the guy in the afro and the twisted face mask? That's way beyond X, baby, that's completely out there.

I wish Herb Henderson made a million more movies, with even fatter strippers and more blood, because Boobie Trap reminded me of those long-gone 70's drive-in roughies that went straight for the reptile brain. Unfortunately, this has so far been it. Melissa Wolf, however, is still quite active. Besides maintaining her official website and appearing in various publications (there's really a magazine called Cougars?!), she still makes the occasional Z-movie appearance - most recently in 2008 slasher Hell-ephone.

PS: You may have noticed the sad lack of screengrabs here. Sadly, my VHS copy of Boobie Trap has wheezed its last breath. If anybody - including you, Herb, if you're out there - has another copy, drop me a line. We really have to revisit this one on the show soon.

- Ken McIntyre