Mummy's Kiss (2003)

Directed by Donald Glut
Starring Sasha Peralta, Ava Niche, Aysia Lee, Katie Lohman
Unrated
USA

"What am I doing on the floor?"

Glut-mania continues unabated here at MAG headquarters.

I don't think there were any women in the room when this flick got the greenlight, because this is exactly the kind of movie guys want to see, make, and write about. I mean, if you're gonna make a creaky old mummy movie, why not make the mummy a super-hot lesbian? And why not make it part of her resurrection ritual that she has to make out with other hot chicks, to turn them into her topless slaves? And why not make her long lost love the foxiest chick in the school that houses her sarcophagus, a chick prone to strutting around the hallways in black mini-skirts and goth chick make-up, looking earnest and hungry? Sold. I wouldn't be able to write the check fast enough.

Mummy's Kiss takes place at a nondescript college graced with more hot girls in slutty outfits than a Playboy video open audition. They all assemble in an ancient Egyptian history class, thanks to hunky young professor Moore (George Thomas), whom they all attempt seducing, since they're too dumb to actually pass the class by studying.

Despite all the topless come-ons, Moore remains true to his star pupil and fiance Anna (Peralta), who also happens to be the niece of famed local Egyptologist Dr. Harwa (Richard Lynch). The good doctor has recently secured a priceless collection of Egyptian artifacts, including the final resting place of an evil, Sapphic sorceress, Hor-Shep-Sut (Niche), which he keeps stored in the college warehouse.

As often happens in such scenarios, a bumbling security guard unwittingly brings the mummy back to life, and when she sucks out his life-essence with a kiss, she transforms back into her original form, a dark haired Hustler model with enormous implants.

Now free to walk amongst the mortals, Horshep chances upon Anna, and realizes that she's actually the reincarnated form of her former lover, Princess Hat-Em-Ahkat. How will she win back her one true love, stolen from her by the ages? Well, her heart got ripped out by the Pharoah's henchmen a few year back. Otherwise, her Penthouse pet muse ISIS (Lohman) tells her it's as simple as trading spit with a few willing nubiles, and the deed is done.

But what about Professor Moore? Will he let his bride-to-be get seduced by the chesty witch, and run straight into the arms of his other, equally sexy assistant Tina (Lee)? And if so, will the Princess and her sorceress finally be free to enjoy their forbidden love for another 5,000 years? Only one way to find out, Jack.

Ok, so the mummy FX are as cheesy as they come, and the acting- particularly in the case of the terminally stilted Niche- is clunky, at best. The script is also as dry as the desert from which Horshep came. But so what? Virtually every one of the fetching female leads gets topless at some point, and they all end up licking each other's nipples in various brief, but righteous, lesbian scenes somewhere in the meandering story.


Given that the sub-sug-genre is pretty tiny, I am going to go ahead and call Mummy's Kiss the Citizen Kane of softcore lesbian mummy movies. A sequel arrived soon afterward. It had mummies and lesbians, too.

- Ken McIntyre

Sex Pot (2009)

Directed by Eric Forsberg
Starring Rollin Perry, Seth Cassell, Michelle Penick, Rana Davis
Unrated
USA

"It's ok. Most guys fuck their sisters at least once."

The Asylum is an independent production house/distributor known mostly for their series of "Mockbusters", hastily produced rip-offs of popular films that usually hit the DVD shelves a week or so before the films they are aping. See Transmorphers, Terminators, or Snakes on a Train for three typical examples. Sex Pot follows the same basic formula. It grabs fistfuls of Superbad and Sex Drive for inspiration, shakes out any subtlety, and adds Mad Magazine-esque gross-out humor to the mix. The results are, at first glance, revolting. But as the movie slogs ever onwards, some twinkles of charm begin to pop up amidst all the toilet, sperm, and dick gags.

Spanky (Rollin Perry) and Mert (Seth Cassell, 18 Year Old Virgin) are two horny teenage goofballs who scheme their way into an adults-free weekend. Mert has his big brother's beer-and-porn filled apartment all to himself, and convinces the uptight Spanky to join him for two days worth of unbridled debauchery. And so it begins.

Their first order of business is to peep on the two girls who live next door. After peeking through the keyhole to watch the girls get dressed, they decide to take their voyeurism even further. They climb out of the window and on to the 'fire ledge' and get an eyeful of Cindy (Christine Nguyen, Bitch Slap), who walks into the bathroom and peels off her robe. Mert can't take the pressure, and starts masturbating wildly right there, but his boner is thwarted when Cindy plops down on the toilet seat and lets loose with a torrent of grunts. Confused and frightened at the sight of the pretty girl on the toilet, the boys rush back to the apartment, but find that the window was somehow closed on them, so they're stuck.

Cindy, finished with her bowel movement, looks out the window to see what the fuss is, and finds our two hapless heroes. She tells them they can go through her window to get home, but then she and her roommate Julie (Sarah Agor, Scream Queens, PG Porn) strip down to their lingerie and grant the two boys an impromptu lesbian S&M show.

And then they mace them and kick them in the nuts and throw them out.

So, the boys go back to Mert's brother's place, where they root around in his piles of junk until they find a box full of weed and "Caribbean porn". They light up and pop in the DVD. A woman on the video tells them the weed they're smoking is some special blend laced with an aphrodisiac, and the next thing you know, they're fucking watermelons and bagels.
"Ugg," grunts Spanky. "I'm fucking a bagel."
And indeed, he is.

They wake up several hours later cuddled together on the couch, covered in cream cheese and watermelon juice.
"What the fuck just happened?" Asks Spanky, as he yanks his pants up.
"That mumbo jumbo grass made us go homo," Mert decides, wiping the cream cheese off his lips. "Now you've got to suck my dick, so we're even."

Luckily, that homoerotic moment is interrupted when the girls next door ring the doorbell. Seems they're sorry for whaling on these idiots and invite them to a pool party at a friend's house. They hand Mert the address and split. Naturally, the fellas want to party, so they gather up all the drugs they can find. Mert wants to take his brother's SUV, but it's been splattered with gorilla shit by his bro's ex-girlfriend, a loony zoo keeper(!) named Pinky (Lindsey Ahern). It's ok, though. There's a bikini carwash around the corner.

It costs them $40, and the girls hated them, but I will agree with Mert, it was worth it.

Mert stops at a liquor store to pick up some tequila for the party (he plans on using his fishing license as an ID) while Spanky, suffering from a raging boner caused by the handful of Viagra his helpful buddy handed him, starts hallucinating about a mysterious sexy blonde who he thinks is calling him on Mert's brother's cellphone/GPS. It's actually Pinky the zookeeper/stalker. So she squawks at him, which does nothing for his erection. Meanwhile, Mert's fishing license scheme fizzles, so he asks a drunk guy in front of the liquor store to buy him booze. Of course, the guy takes the money and scrambles. Spanky wanders off and almost ends up sucking off a tranny hooker named Strawberry (Rana Davis). It's hijinks galore with these two.

Strawberry ends up getting their Tequila for them. In exchange, she and her galpal Princess (Michelle Penick, Dorm of the Dead) want a ride across town. So, off zooms this motley crew. Princess, who it turns out is still a whore-in-training, offers to blow Spanky for practice. He agrees, but before they get anywhere, a cop starts chasing them down. They toss the weed out the window, and when she lets them go, they go back looking for it. Mert and Spanky end up at a foul-mouthed three year old's party - they think some kids who found their pot are in the house - and Spanky is forced to give the kid a piggyback ride, while still suffering from a throbbing purple penis.

The kid is pretty annoying, but the mom (Elina Madison) is hot, and she offers to bone either or both of 'em. An inviting offer, but she's also got a daughter who's having a teenage house party in the basement. The fellas are sure that's where their weed went, so they go downstairs to look for it. Various bits of mayhem ensue. Spanky ends up in a bizarre game of spin the bottle with the teen creeps, who are all blitzed on the horny weed. A teenage Caligula orgy starts to develop. Upstairs, Mert ends up getting a face full of fat old lady boob, and then wrestles a 13 year old girl for the rest of the weed.

Spanky finally gets his turn at Spin the Bottle, and it lands on "Five minutes with the skank". Said skank is in an unlit room. Spanky enters the murk and proceeds to flop his still throbbing erection in said Skank's mouth. And then Mert comes roaring in, and flips on the light. Turns out the skank is Spanky's own sister, Ellen (Teryl Brouilette). Yikes.
"You're such a loser, Spanky", spits Ellen. "You don't even know how to eat pussy."

Spanky's a little woozy from that encounter, but Mert encourages him to shake it off. Pinky shows up to kill them with a shovel, but changes her mind when Mert sweet-talks her. "Plenty of guys would suck an elephant's balls to get with a sweet piece of ass like you," he says.
"You're so nice!" Coos Pinky.
So, Pinky, Strawberry, Princess, and the boys all pile into the car and head to the party in Malibu.

The soiree is happening at a swank estate somewhere. Mert finds Cindy and Julie and prepares to coax them into sex with weed and dildos. He sees Spanky wooing Princess in a hot tub, and so he stomps over there to ask him if he remembers that they had a fuckin' plan. Spanky is clearly smitten, however, so he ditches Mert and funds a cozy bubble bath to make sweet would-be hooker love with Princess. This does not make Mert happy, but, you know, fuck that guy.

Mert gives the girls the horny weed and then rushes off to the bathroom to chub up with a penis pump. Outside, the expected orgy ensues. Will he accidentally mutilate his genitals and miss the whole party? Will Spanky fall in love with Princess and live happily ever after? Will Pinky find a gun in some closet and massacre everybody?

Hey man, it's an 80's style teen sex comedy. Everything works out in the end. Except maybe for that going-down-on-your-sister thing. That's gonna take some therapy.


Sex Pot was shot in 3D, and was released in both 3D and 2D editions. Having watched the standard version, I can't say how the gimmick works, but to director Fosberg's credit, you can't really tell it was shot with a third dimension in mind. There aren't any glaring poky bits. So my guess is that the 3D is pretty subtle. It would be the only subtle thing about the entire film. The very definition of crass, Sex Pot piles on enough filthy language for a dozen South Park episodes. While there's nothing wrong with over-the-top cussing, Sex Pot uses dirty words like a crutch, often mistaking crudity for humor. It's a shame, because this really is a fitfully funny film, and certainly fun to watch. It just could have been a lot funnier with just a modicum of restraint. Just as Animal House had it's half-retarded, potty-mouthed offspring - hello, King Frat - so too does Superbad. Sex Pot is loud, dumb, and ugly, but that's not necessarily a criticism. There are times when loud, dumb, and ugly is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Clip: Sex Pot trailer

- Ken McIntyre

It's a Haunted Happenin' (2002)

Directed by Pat Bishow
Starring Shira Zimbeck, Karla Bruning, Ginette Marte, Tonye Briggs, Jaime Andrews
Rated G
USA

I always thought the concept of 'genius' had to be prefaced with an "Evil"- I mean, you never hear of a "Good Genius", right? Well, the rulebook may have to be amended, because director Pat Bishow exhibits many moments of brilliance-on-a-budget in It's a Haunted Happenin', but there's scant little evidence of evil going on. Proving that his previous spandex and Kung Fu epic Girls from HARM was no fluke, Haunted is just as funny, kinetic, and lovely to look at, and just as devoid of ham-fisted exploitation elements like sex, violence, and repeated, gratuitous use of the word "Motherfucker". Instead, it gives us sugar-sweet pop numbers performed by impossibly cute chicks and classic haunted house hijinks involving a mad scientist and his array of groovy ghoulies, including a hunchback, the mummy, and the ever-popular guy in a gorilla suit.

The madcap story involves hard pop chick trio the Soultanglers squaring off against treacle-toed rich girl crooners The Darlings to win the "Ghoul a Go Go" battle of the bands.

The winner gets to appear live on the show of the same name, a wildly popular Saturday morning chiller thriller show hosted by a vampire named Vlad, his Tor-like henchman, and the invisible man.

But first, they have to survive a night at Whitewood mansion, which may or may not be haunted. Even if it isn't, there's a mad scientist in the basement with aspirations for world domination by chemically concocted the world's greatest girl group. And that's just the thumbnail version.

There are also the misadventures of a girly she-spy, a musical beach party, a menacing ventriloquist dummy, and plenty of 60's pop culture references strewn about like confetti. If you're thinking the Monkees, then you're right. And if you're thinking 'Scooby Doo ending', you're even more right. And if you think that this sounds like as much fun as you can possibly have without tossing in bucketfuls of sin and skin, then you are totally down with Bishow's master plan.

Although all the girl rockers are suitably adorable, special mention must be given to Jaime Andrews, who plays Zera, the Soul Tanglers' bundle of nerves guitar player. In her Clash shirt and sweatbands, she's like a cross between Lucille Ball and Joan Jett, a screwball riot grrrl. Perpetually menaced by sinister ventriloquist dummies and rampaging gorillas, her shameless mugging and slapstick chase scenes are hysterical. She's a charmer, this one, with impeccable comic timing.

Check out a clip of Jaime below.

If I put this script in the hands of any other b-movie director I can think of, it'd turn out all wrong, full of lesbo romps and Lunachicks rip-offs and graphic beheadings; but Bishow is operating on a whole different, higher level, one that burrows right into the eternal ten year old within us all, and stays there. It's like a bowl of Frankenberry, an ice cream soda, a pile of funny books, a Press and Play record player stacked with girl group hits, and a Creature Feature marathon all wrapped up in one hopelessly optimistic package. I loved it. You will too, unless you're a creep. Completely mandatory viewing.

Clip: Yikes! Stuck in a cell!

- Ken McIntyre

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Countess Dracula's Orgy of Blood (2004)

Directed by Donald F. Glut
Starring Glori-Anne Gilbert, Kennedy Johnson, Jana Thompson
Unrated
USA

"This totally sucks."

Given Mr. Glut's impressive resume in both lesbian-centric softcore and bonk-heavy cartoons, it makes complete sense that he'd create a film like this. Countess Dracula does, in fact, have more than its fair share of girl-on-girl groping, but unlike many of the films in this micro-genre, he does not simply wedge flimsy plot elements between all the Sapphic lusting. In fact, he does just the opposite: he wedges flimsy sex scenes into a creaky Scooby Doo-ish script about goofy, self-loathing vampires.

As our terrible tale begins, a snappily-dressed guy is sitting there by the fire during the old timey days (exactly when is anybody's guess - the set design and costumes have a very porn movie-esque kind of vibe) while his sister, Roxanne (Kennedy Johnson), gently slumbers in the next room. At least, that's what he thinks. There's actually sexy evil going on in there. Out of a puff of smoke, a bosomy, befanged fiend named Diana (Glori-Anne Gilbert, Lusty Busty Babe-a-Que), appears. Sis looks happy to see her. They embrace and make passionatevamp-on-girl love together until the wicked monstress sinks her canines into Roxanne's neck. By the time old-timey bro realizes something is wrong, it's too late. He rushes into the room to find that his sister has disappeared. All that's left is bloody sheets.

The man rushes over to see the local priest, Padre Jacinto (Spanish horror movie legend Paul Naschy) and tells him what happened. Jumping to conclusions, they decide it was the work of a vampire. The priest tossed various vamp-killing devices into his overnight bag, and away they go.

Clearly, the guy picked the right sideman for the gig, because they find the busty vampire in her murky lair almost immediately. They stake her in the heart, and she melts into mush. The end.

No, wait. Then he stakes another dude who looks a little like Foster Brooks. That guy melts, too.

We then meet Renfield (Dark Delicacies bookstore owner Del Howison). He looks like a member of Crosby Stills and Nash. He snacks on a bowlful of bugs while reading Scary Monsters magazine and watching Count Gore Devol on TV. So, they were seriously baiting the monster nerd crowd right there. Also, we are now in modern times. There was no Scary Monsters magazine in 1904.

Cut to: Dracula (Tony Clay), who encourages his top-heavy, half-naked friend Valerie (gorgeous Jana Thompson) to dance suggestively for him. She does, and it is indeed pretty awesome, as is the goth-Doobies-Bowie mash-up song that plays while she gyrates.

Fun time is over, however, when the Count summons his daughter Martine (Eyana Barsky) and Renfield and gives them a grim assignment. They are to locate his old pal Lord Ruthven's remains, and bring him back to "Undeath". They head out and creepy crawl to the graveyard.

Turns out Lord Ruthven (Arthur Roberts) is the Foster Brooks guy from the opening scene. Renfield yanks the knife out of his chest, and he comes back to life. Undeath. Whatevs. As soon as he shakes off the cobwebs, he starts yapping about the good old days. He tells a story about a girl he met in the village, named Roxanne. He fell in love with her, and decided to give her eternal life, but Diane (the blondie vamp from the beginning) wanted her as well, and blah, blah, blah. Martine stops him mid-blather and hands him the Vampire Bible. And then they split.

Lord Ruthven goes outside and delivers some Shatner-esque word jazz under the light of the moon. That was unexpected.

When he's finished, he heads downtown and picks up a hooker named Lilith (bondage-babe Lolana). He gets her in alley and tries to vamp her, but halfway through he gets sick, and blood spurts out of his eyeballs. The girl gets away and as he's reeling around the alley, clutching his guts, he sees a vision of the priest, telling him he needs to get back into his coffin, pronto.

He staggers back to his crypt and checks the vampire bible, which tells him that the only way a once-staked old fool like him can feed is if the blood has already passed through the veins of another vampire. So he revives his sister Diana, who wastes no time getting back to the two things she likes best: pussy and blood-gulping. She heads down to the local strip club to scope out dinner.

She picks the same girl that her brother tried to nibble on, Lilith. Diana follows her home, killing her suitcase pimp/stalker Mal (Jason Peters) along the way. She gets into Lillith's apartment and they make sweet lesbianic love together. And then she bites her. That dirty business done,
Diana returns to the crypt with her new sex/blood slave. Lord Ruthven complains about how hungry he is, so Diane uses her fingernail to jab her basketball-sized breast, causing a trickle of blood to pour into a goblet. Mr Fancypants seems to enjoy it quite a bit.

Meanwhile, Roxanne - the reincarnated version - is living a quiet life as a lipstick lesbian. She takes a hot tub with her girlfriend (Belinda Gavin, Bikini Chain Gang), and then they make sweet bubbly-water love.

And then - as if Lord Fauntleroy wasn't already annoying enough - he takes up the pipe organ. He also is finally strong enough to hunt again, so he goes out in search of Roxanne. Unfortunately, Diane's already found her and whisked her away. Lord Ruthven tries to make the best of it by biting Roxy's girlfriend, but it's just not the same, man.

Back at ye olde castle, where Valerie is serving her master his nightly glass of blood. He thinks Diane and Lord Fuckface have been causing too much of a ruckus, so, he dispatches Martine and Renfield to pay them a visit and tell them to knock it off.

He does have a point. At that very moment, yet another ruckus is underway. Diane's brought a woozy Roxanne back to the crypt. She has Lilith hold Lord Pirate Shirt back with a crucifix while she taunts him about how she plans on turning his precious Roxanne into her love slave. They're both a couple of real fuckin' assholes, these two. So, she turns Roxanne, but then Ruthven stakes Diana, and she dissolves into goo.

Roxanne wakes up, now sporting fangs. She demands to know where Diana is. She makes these demands in a hilarious death metal growl.

And then? And then a lesbian three-way, of course!

Although the script is severely lacking in the punchy, self-aware lines you'd expect from a live-action cartoon (a couple obvious, groan-worthy pop culture references notwithstanding), Countess Dracula's Orgy of Blood still provides plenty of (very) cheap thrills.

Perennial character actor Arthur Roberts is a howl as the stuffy Ruthven. His upper-crusty demeanor comes off like a bottom-shelf Vincent Price slowly drowning in a sea of cheese.

Boob queen Gilbert's on-again off-again accent and heavy metal stripper outfits never cease to astonish and bewilder, and the up-for-it cast of topless vamps and local yokels give the whole affair a loosey-goosey, mid 80's, shot-on-video vibe. There's some real talent behind this one, as well. Exploitation/porn legend Gary Graver shot it, 80s' goo-god John Carl Buechler did the impressive vamp meltdowns, and Don Glut...well, you just can't argue with the guy who directed Dinosaur Valley Girls. Fun stuff.

Countess Dracula's Orgy of Blood is available from Amazon, or you can buy it directly from Frontline Films.

Clip: Hooker Vs Vamp. Vamp wins.

-Ken McIntyre

Interview: Dyna-Flix!

Uh, oh. Looks like ElectroBabe and DynaChick are in the soup again - literally. Our two masked She-roes are bound in twine together in a heart-shaped bathtub boiling over with...well, pink soap bubbles. Their shiny silver capes and cherry-red go-go boots are getting soaking wet. Curse that evil-yet-shapely villainess Sweetpuss!
"Maybe we can lubricate our bodies with this lather, Dynachick," says the ever wily Electro-Babe, "and slither out of this death trap!"
And that's just what happens.

No, this is not that very sweet Nyquil dream you had when you were 12. It's the latest installment of Electro-Babe and DynaChick, a long running series of superhero spoofs by by Don "Dynahunk" Cortier, king of the superbabe videos. Budgeted at about a thousand dollars a pop and shot entirely in a pole barn just outside of South Bend, Indiana, latex n' Lycra epics like the ElectroBabe series, Dare Dolls, and the mind-melting Sucked In are all impish, surreal, deceptively innocent odes to prepubescent, girl-powered thrill-shows of yore, like Sid and Marty Krofft's mid 70's sensation ElectaWoman and DynaGirl, Lynda Carter's effortlessly bouncy Wonder Woman, and whatever episodes of the 1966 Batman series that featured Batgirl squirming uncomfortably in some elaborate-but-flimsy trap. Much like their Saturday morning counterparts, Cortier's videos feature no nudity or sexual situations. The plots are loony and cartoony, and generally center around his costumed heroines stumbling into some cockamamie booby trap involving, say, grabby household plants. On the surface, they could easily pass for odd but harmless kiddie entertainment. Or you could look at them another way entirely.

"There's some guys, they'll ask me to send them a DVD to a hotel where they're planning to stay two weeks from now under a phony name," Cortier says, "and I'm thinking, this stuff is pretty G-rated, what do they think they're getting? It's curious what people see in it, and what they read into it."
Indeed. While Cortier's films only hint at the lurid, there's an ever-present layer of cheeky innuendo bubbling just below the surface. So it's no wonder that the genesis of his Dyna-flix empire sprang from the greasy pages of a fetish magazine.

"When I started, there was nobody doing this," he says.
"When I was in grad school in 1994, I bought a magazine in Chicago. It was a bondage magazine. I don't know why I was in a porn shop, because porn grosses me out. I'd rather see somebody blow their nose into their hands. Anyway, I liked the picture on the cover of this magazine. The slant was pantyhose. The pictures inside were nothing like the cover, they were disgusting, but the magazine had a questionnaire, so I filled it out and asked them, 'Why not do superheroes?'"
Evidently, the editors listened to him, because less than a year later, his oddball suggestion was on the shelves. And Cortier hated it.
"It was called Harmony's Heroes," he explains.
"I have the second issue, from around 1995. The models looked uncomfortable and they weren't shot attractively. And they had nudity. We never have nudity in our stuff."

Cortier finished school and took up work as an English teacher. And in his spare time, he decided to right all the wrongs caused by Harmony's Heroes.
"I was a child. when ElectraWoman was on TV," Cortier explains.
"I was about ten. I thought that would be the greatest job, to make your own superhero movies. So that's what I decided to do."
In 1995, he built the Dynahunk website. He recruited fledgling actresses through local modeling classifieds, and found his costumes online. At first, he only took photo-sets, but when the site took off, he quickly graduated to video. In 1998, he produced the first ElectroBabe and DynaChick video. Just this year, he's finally making enough money from DVD sales to quit his day job.

"It a bit like an assembly line now", he says. My partner Liza does all the costume fittings. I shoot three fifteen minute chapters of the latest serial a month. One of those 15 minute segments takes about four hours to shoot, and we do it all in my pole barn. I pay my actresses on a Woody Allen sort of scale. Like, $150 for four hours."
Cortier chuckles.
"I would certainly do it for that price."
So would a lot of people, apparently.

"Once you find a girl who is easy to work with, invariably, she has a sister, or a friend, or a sister-in-law", Cortier says. So we get a lot of referrals. Sometimes we meet girls when we're out at restaurants or wherever, as well. We've even had a surprise audition once. There was this guy who thought his girlfriend would be good. He was a tree surgeon, and he was over here talking about that, and we mentioned what we do. So the next day we're sitting here watching a movie on TV, and boom, in walks this chick in full costume and started auditioning!"
Cortier releases sells his videos both as downloads and on DVD through his website.
Thanks to his low-overhead and tiny crew, he is able function at a small but healthy profit.
Since I own the studio I can sell just a few DVDs and make money," he says
"I just split stuff with Liza, and we do pretty well."

Don may very well be the pioneer of the superbabe genre, but at this point, he is by no means its only auteur. Former Mosquitos drummer Pat Bishow has helmed a series of New York based productions, including The Adventures of El Frenetico & Go-Girl and It's a Haunted Happening that mix superheroines, masked wrestlers, gorillas, ghosts, and all-girl garage rock bands. Jim Weathers, an in-demand Californian fetish photographer by day, is the creator of the wildly popular Adventures of O-Girl, an ever-evolving series of vignettes starring plucky masked super-chick O-Girl, who often finds herself the victim of the ol' rope trick by a revolving door of latex-clad femme villains. Phoenix filmmaker Andy Rodriguez is the creator of Retro-Girl, a masked, gold-suited heroine who takes on thugs and brutes in a series of brooding, almost Noir-ish videos. Even a cursory glance on the internet will reveal dozens more: Captain Schoolgirl, Hot Rod Girl, Dark Fury, Nightingale, The Arc Angels. A gushing wellspring of sexy crime fighting has shot up around Don and his ElectroBabe over the past ten years, which makes him wonder just how much longer he can tease and torment his beloved creations.

"I see us going on for another three years and then either giving it up or handing it off to somebody else," he says.
"I think I can do another three years, and then I'll start screaming. It's like having spaghetti every night. Eventually it starts coming out of your ears."
Looking forward, Cortier envisions himself leaving the damsels to their distresses, and creating, of all things, a teen-based comedy troupe.
"I used to be on this TV show here in South Bend called Beyond Our Control," he explains.
"It was basically Saturday Night Live before there was one. It started in the late 60's and it went off the air in the late 80's. It was all high school kids who wrote, directed, and edited the show. I'd like to do something like that, to provide the means for a group of kids to do a show like that, and I'd act as an advisor. I don't have any concrete plans, though. We're still up to our eyebrows in spandex."

Link: Dyna-Flix website

Clip: Drats! Those fiendish plants!

-Ken McIntyre