Charlie's Angels Season 4, Episode 7, 1979
Genre: Crime/detective/drama (pick a genre, any genre)
Episode Name: Caged Angel (The Second Women In Prison Episode)
Directed By: Dennis Donnelly
Starring; (a slightly different Angel Line up to the first prison story): Jaclyn Smith, Cheryl Ladd, Shelley Hack with guests Shirley Stoller, Louise Sorel and Sally Kirkland
"Start chucking down to the pink. Just pretend I'm your mamma!"
Your humble women in prison loving narrator couldn't resist another adventure with everybody's favourite female detective trio (reader's voice - "I preferred Ebony, Ivory and Jade") and as I've had requests by the millions (that's Mr & Mrs Millions of Chipping Sodbury) for a review of the sort of sequel to "Angels In Chains" it's arrived (and to prove it, it's here!).
Cast your mind back to ancient times (the early days of "TV Shows About Girls") and you might just remember our Angels got them themselves locked up, bedenimned (and yes, even chained!), right in their very first season, in 1976(or series if you are an awkward Brit). My one reader and Charlie himself in his secret lair (maybe a blue rinsing salon) will recall that to say this episode was a massive hit is actually a huge understatement (Aaron Spelling, only semi jokingly, said that he could just re run it every week to guarantee high ratings) and confirms my belief that people like women in prison TV shows or movies. Women find them empowering -where else, especially in the 70's, were women shown as hard, mean bad girls who could take on any man or woman who stood in their way? And what man isn't at least slightly thrilled by a cute female con? Or am I just speaking for myself?
Gentle reader , follow me back to 31st October '79 (closely checking that you are not being grabbed by the ghosties or goolies on your way).Cue some foreboding, mildly melodramatic music and the episode title flashing up on our screens in a stark white font.There's a high security building in view but we aren't in prison yet and are, in fact, watching a robbery by some balaclava wearing coverall clad criminals (a special no prize if you noticed they are all women). One big, burly robber knocks a security guard out (aren't movie and TV security guards extremely unlucky?) while the rest of the girls make a dash for the cash. Uh oh, one of the robbers fumbles with the money, falls behind her companions, and manages to get herself shot by another security guard as she ignores his advice to "stop or I'll shoot". The big reveal is yeah, she's a woman, but we kind of guessed that before (maybe it was more surprising back in '79).
It's exposition time as we join the Angelic three and the ever present Bosley discussing the recently deceased robber with her father (and of course, she looks a lot more innocent in her photo). They ask how she could have been involved in a robbery when she was"a prisoner at Calejo". That's a strange form of work detail! Bosley adds that Amy (for it was she) was on a "pre release furlough" at thre time.As ever, poor Amy was a sweet little (almost) innocent with a young boy who was sent on a state vacation for passing bouncing cheques while waiting for money from his deadbeat dad. Mr. Nayland protests that his daughter, despite all the evidence would not have willingly taken part in a robbery and gets quite annoyed when Bosley suggests that "sometimes things happen to people in prison".We learn that the robbery must have been organised by somebody with some inside knowledge. Kris suggests that "The answers lie behind the gates of Calejo Prison" and Charlie agrees. Of course the solution is to send somebody inside (but why one Angel instead of three is never really explained) with an impressive cover story to attract the robbers into more shenanigans. Kris quickly volunteers (I do like women with a positive attitude!) and Calejo here we come. If this prison isn't every bit as strange as corrupt as the first one the Angels visited , I'll be very surprised.
Let's join a cuffed Kris being taken to the red brick (looking more like a 70s leisure centre) prison in a cop car (there are far worse ways to spend an evening)."Hey foxy lady. Things are looking up.Welcome to Calejo Country Club" states the obligatory sleazy officer.The electronic doors slam shut and her undercover angel does not seem too happy with her new home. I think at this stage it would be rude not to join her inside where the female warden remarks that she's the "the fifth transfer this month due to overcrowding at county". Kris boldly states that she volunteered to come here "to get into your work furlough programme" and hey. we glimpse some uniformed female inmates (more about the uniforms later) out in the yard in the distance. Miss Ingram, the warden, agrees that Kristine's (impressive undercover name there!) has been very good and that she is "a very lucky young lady" as there are "far worse institutions" than Calejo.Like the late Amy, it says on her Kris's file that she has only has a short time to serve so it's time for her to enter orientation -prison uniforms, showers- always a highlight of these episodes!
Now we actually see some of the inmates close up, A cute intellectual looking prisoner in big glasses starts writing things down, but what are these girls wearing? -tan dresses that the 40s inmate about town not a late 70s con would be issued with either tan canvas sneakers or very strangely, peep toe low heel type shoes.I know that "Charlie's Angels" was never noted for its gritty realism but surely the denims and work boot combo from "Angels in Chains" would have been far more likely. Anyway, Kris meets her seemingly friendly "Corrections Counsellor" Miss Burton who welcomes her and is even happy to call her Kris.Maybe I've watched too many of theses show, but this seems a little too good to be true.Kris quips that the warden's welcome was a like a lecture on "the dangers of promiscuity"and her counsellor even laughs but as the friendly conversation continues, a not very happy looking inmate collides with Kris and looks on,menacingly. Miss Burton warns her about Lonnie (Sally Kirkland, who was once nominated for an Oscar, in something probably a lot less enjoyable than this episode), who sent some women to the infirmary "for laughing at her".Work detail is discussed and Kris can't be sent on the work release programme yet but says her jobs on the outside were "in a diamond broker's"(hmm..this may have some relevance later on) and as a masseuse "It was a real massage parlour" -note the slight undercurrent of smut particularly in the prison episodes) , which makes her a suitable candidate for an infirmary worker.
On with the all important processing "A new chicken coming to the roost" says an officer to a big, scary looking inmate doing a desk job (you think she was the head robber? Me too.Maybe we should go into detective work or we just watch too much TV). These two are Matron Wallace and "Big Aggie to my friends" and despite her protestations about already having being through this "at county" Kris just can't avoid her compulsory "skin search". "Nice girl," remarks Aggie as Wallace (where's Grommet?) takes her away.Soon Kris has freshly washed hair and is wearing a thin prison issue white towel (as issued to all new women inmates in TV episodes) which she has to open up to get fumigated!
No, we don't get any nude scenes and soon our undercover innocent is wearing her uniform (which does quite suit her!) and entering her compact, minimalist residence. Wallace is unforthcoming about "who's running the action" and just barks orders about room tidiness and lights out to her new guest. Kris is now inmate 5270 and I think she's about to learn more about the set up here as Aggie becomes an uninvited guest to her room. "Just settle back the way you were, sweet thing!", and helps herself to the new girl's money/make up stash. "I take whatever I want" snarls Aggie although it seems that's it's not anything sexual at this stage, I think she'll soon want more from heroine.
I would have like to have seen what was advertised in the add.break but I won't complain as we jump ahead to Kris , now in general population and scrubbing the floors of her dorm (hello to everybody with an inmates doing hard manual work fetish!) but she's disturbed by a not very friendly couple of inmates who knock over her bucket and seem determined to start a fight.Kris refuses to be intimidated (that's our girl!) and won't clear up the mess , the "dorm monitor"made (I never reached the dizzy heights of milk monitor at school).Could a cat fight be looming? Well, no as Aggie takes charge shouting "I told you this one was mine".The girls seem reluctant to argue with her and wander off to "find something to do".Unsurprisingly, Aggie didn't help Kris from generosity and wants to be paid for her "protection" explaining that money and make up aren't everything- "Think about it".Quite strong for late 70s primetime!
Less interestingly, back on freeside, Bosley and the Angels two establish that the late Amy's husband had nothing to do with the robbery of (Kenyan? Canyon?) Security and Amy worked there, having enough knowledge to pull off the scam herself. The Angels are surprised that Kris hasn't made contact yet and Tiffany suggests that "maybe things are tougher in Calejo than we thought!"
It seems that that the other angel's wish to be a prison masseuse is coming true as we join her at the infirmary until Miss Hutton oders her to climb on the table. No, Hutton (despite her rough technique) isn't yet another person trying to take advantage of her, but Charlie's inside contact.Kris hasn't got much useful information to share with her yet but thinks the warden is innocent and that Aggie is working with a mystery contact,probably amongst the prison staff to mastermind all the evil plans here.Not surprisingly , Kris decides to persevere and not "pull out"of her mission yet.
I think we need some exercise, so let's go the prison yard where Crazy Lonnie is busy weight lifting ."She'll soon be strong enough to rip open the gates" remarks the evil dorm monitor to Aggie. We learn that the alternative uniform is a gym issue, girls softball team type combo of grey shorts shorts and a shirt with "Calejo" emblazoned on the front (kinda of cute!).As planned, Aggie's cronies have discovered and bought into the undercover inmate's cover story that she was "Assistant Manager of the Van Dorian Diamond Company" which is just a short distance from this very prison (as a cinema voice over ad would say) Aggie's evil hench woman steals Lonnie's make up bag and deliberately drops into a puddle and they try to frame Kris for this anti social deed "Better make her pay, Lonnie -She'll be stealing from all of us before you know".
Although Kris protests that she "didn't take anything - they did", it's time to let the mass yard catfight commence as to a funk lite soundtrack (well actually just Kris and Lonnie) while the other girls chase after them shouting, ending at the prison swimming pool (how luxurious!).Lonnie falls into the water and as she's probably in prison a long time she hasn't had a chance to watch those those "learn to swim" TV shorts.She's drowning until Kris jumps in (Without even taking her heavy prison dress or shoes off!) and saves the day or at least, Lonnie.Miss Burton and the sleazy guard we met at the gates intervene to stop the now non-existent fight .The other inmates very politely disperse as the Calejo swim team are taken to isolation .Even more nobly, Kris takes "full responsibility" for the fight and accepts whatever the punishment may be (in this place it probably isn't being sent to bed early). She stares forlornly from her solitary flowery dell (cell for all non cockney speakers) but may have just won a new friend..
We join the caged angel washing the cell sink the next morning (She may have been fighting and locked in a tiny, sweaty looking cell all night but never looks less than immaculate) before receiving an always unwelcome visit from Big Aggie. Following yet another heated debate about make up bags Aggie announces "I get all the rent" and threatens to see that Kris spends all her time inside "standing right here" or "out out the word you ain't got no protection". I think that Aggie is trying her very best to get into the annual list of "10 most evil prison queen bees"not relying on beauty or charm to her r there either. Even an extra large wooden stool utilised by Kris can't stop her and after a few more menacing threats including to see to it that the new chicken (chicken? fish? what is it with the new women inmates /white meat comparison?) will "never leave Calejo" her victim agrees to do whatever she wants Shame on you for thinking so smuttily if you assumed anything other than helping her with a robbery by agreeing to provide details, diagrams and floor plans of the Van Dorian Diamonds. Evil Aggie seems to be unwittingly falling into the Angel's trap even though Kris still looks fairly terrified of her.
Her time in solitary finally done, who should the detective now known as Ms. Martin meet in the prison corridor but Lonnie who thanks her for getting her out of solitary. Some moving music starts playing as Lonnie gives a little speech about her sad life and (perhaps more helpfully), says "meantime you got any problems, you come to Lonnie". From some standard prison officer bitchery from Wallace,cut to a an enjoyable scene where the Kris does her massage duties on Lonnie's hench woman and dorm monitor.Please don't stop on our account or to think up a ruse to talk to Bosley using one of the 70s round dial 'phones (that'll satisfy some 70s gadeget nostalgists!) and some diversionary tactics with massage oil, will you? Forgive me if I don't disclose the purely plot exposition details of the telephone conversation.
Moving on the more salubrious surroundings of the Angels office, Bosley reveals to the other two (who surely will be doing something other than stand around yakking this episode) that Van Dorian have a whole new security system after a fire. This means that somebody will have to get the new plans to Kris before she ends up like unfortunate Amy.Oh good, maybe we'll finally three angels in those stylish prison dresses but nope, things are going to get decidedly sillier and less logical than that. What's do you think would be an easy way for female detectives to go undercover in prison. Officers or other assorted staff? Nah, nuns of course! Maybe the producers figured that viewers would like to see women in any type of uniform.In the exercise yard, the warden calls Kris over to meet the sainted duo. I'm not good to make any terrible puns about bad habits but they don't look all that convincing especially Tiffany in her massive shades.In an not especially subtle way, they explain that "things have changed on the outside"and pass their undercover friend some reading material to "equip" her.
Very conveniently, Kris has to go into the prison showers to decipher the cryptic clues .Sadly, she has very little study time as Aggie and her two cronies are quite insistent that she accompanies them right now. They just walk out of prison which makes me wonder why any of them felt the need to return at all after their successful side career in robbery and a car is waiting for them. Of course, wearing prison dresses to a robbery would be as crazy as disguising yourself as a nun, so a change of clothing to those attractive coveralls waits. As they drive off it seems like it's all systems go for the great diamond robbery. But I better not say anymore -spoilers are punished by a week in solitary and having to massage Aggie so if you want to see how the whole caper turns out and who the mastermind behind the robberies is, catch the episode yourself. WIP guy's verdict is that it's almost as fun as "Angels in Chains", and that's quite high praise.
Very conveniently, Kris has to go into the prison showers to decipher the cryptic clues .Sadly, she has very little study time as Aggie and her two cronies are quite insistent that she accompanies them right now. They just walk out of prison which makes me wonder why any of them felt the need to return at all after their successful side career in robbery and a car is waiting for them. Of course, wearing prison dresses to a robbery would be as crazy as disguising yourself as a nun, so a change of clothing to those attractive coveralls waits. As they drive off it seems like it's all systems go for the great diamond robbery. But I better not say anymore -spoilers are punished by a week in solitary and having to massage Aggie so if you want to see how the whole caper turns out and who the mastermind behind the robberies is, catch the episode yourself. WIP guy's verdict is that it's almost as fun as "Angels in Chains", and that's quite high praise.
Mark your WIP bingo card for -a prison intake scene, mild shower scenes, a catfight, bitchy prison guards, an undercover innocent and this time a very evil queen bee!
- WIP Guy
