Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl (2009)

Directed by Yoshihiro Nishimura and Naoyuki Tomomatsu

Starring Yukie Kawamura, Takumi Saito, Eri Otoguro

Unrated

Japan

"You're wondering if he learned my secret, so I drank his blood and killed him."

"No, that's not what I'm saying."

"Well, that's what happened!"

What do you get when you combine the joyously wacky sensibilities of anime with the hyper-kineticism of a music video, mix in nearly every type of fan service imaginable and frost with hilarious self-aware campiness? Well, besides a general recipe for awesome, in this particular instance, you get an amazingly fun and outrageously gory love letter to WTF called Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl.

Monami (Japanese gravure idol, Yukie Kawamura) has recently transferred to a new high school. Since she has been there, she has secretly fallen love with fellow classmate, Jyugon (Takumi Saito).

Fortunately for Monami, today is Valentine's Day, and in Japan, girls give chocolates to the boys to whom they have affection for. Unfortunately, Jyugon already has a girlfriend: the leader of a "Mean Girls"-esque clique of Gothic Lolitas, Keiko (Eri Otoguro).

Monami, intent on winning Jyugon's love, introduces herself to him and proceeds to give him a chocolate. He accepts it cautiously and takes a bite, quickly realizing that the chocolate is filled with blood. Suddenly, Jyugon's world spins out of control and becomes a psychedelic acid trip where everyone around him appear only as blood-engorged circulatory systems. Then he passes out. Upon waking, Monami explains to Jyugon that the blood in the chocolate was hers, she is a vampire, and that he is now a half vampire.

Meanwhile, Keiko's father, vice-principal (and Kabuki costume wearing mad scientist), Kenji Furano (Kanji Tsuda) and his latex dress clad assistant (and also school nurse), Midori (Sayaka Kametani), are busy in the basement trying to uncover the secret to animating dead flesh.

On top of that, there's the "Wrist Cut Club" that is obsessively training for the nationwide wrist cutting competition where the goal is to be the last student standing and thereby proving that you have the strongest wrists. Or something,

Finally, we have perhaps the strangest, but certainly the most offensive, characters of the film: the "Super Dark Club". In Japan, there's a sub-culture of fashion called Ganguro where the intent is to tan your skin until it's orange, dye your hair blond or white, and wear garish make-up and clothing. Well, the "Super Dark Club" take this one step further and want to become so dark that they actually become "black" people. The leader wears a ridiculously caricatured "black person" mask and her sidekick is a black-faced, spear carrying, lip-disced native wannabe. Although there is some humor to be had here, mostly it just comes off as confusing and kind of racist.

Anyway, while Keiko and Monami are battling for Jyugon's affection, Keiko accidentally falls from the roof of the school and dies. Luckily, her father has just found the secret to reanimation: Monami's vampiric blood.

Combining parts taken from the most qualified staff and students, Kenji puts his daughter back together, giving her another chance at life - and another chance to defeat Monami. What follows is an exhilarating and ridiculous fight to the death including severed arm helicopter head-blades, massive arterial stray, a bad-ass janitor named Egor - and retractable blood swords.

I have to say that my exclamation of, "this may very well be the best fucking movie I have ever seen in my entire life" made within the first 5 minutes of watching Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl pretty much says it all. True, a statement such as that does put a lot of unnecessary pressure on a movie, and yes, the statement is fairly hyperbolic, but in many ways, I do find it as accurate representation of how you, being the full-tilt bonkers Asian cinema aficionado that you are, will most likely feel as each outrageous scene reveals itself. Seriously, just check out the trailer.

You can pick up Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl HERE. Also make sure to pay a visit to the Funimation website for the equally insane RoboGeisha, and more great anime than you can watch in multiple lifetimes. Highly recommended.

- Jeremy Vaca